Work Problems

[Eclipsefairies]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling really stressed and embarrassed about something that happened at work and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

I’ve been at my job for a few years and I’ve never had major issues before. Yesterday I was already anxious because I thought I was running late. As soon as I arrived, a manager called me into a meeting, which made my anxiety even worse.

In the meeting, he brought up “gossip” that wasn’t actually about me — it was something other people were talking about last year, and I apparently repeated once. I didn’t realise it was still an issue.

But then he brought up something that really upset me: my personal hygiene, which is actually related to an ongoing medical condition. I’ve spoken to doctors about it, and I’ve tried to explain it to a manager before. Hearing it brought up again, especially in that tone, was humiliating.

I felt like I was being singled out even though other people at work do similar or worse things. I cried for most of my shift afterward and felt really embarrassed.

I keep thinking:

– Did they handle this appropriately?

– How do I cope with the anxiety of going back?

– Should I be getting outside help or advice about workplace treatment?

I just felt so ashamed and overwhelmed, and I don’t really know how to process it. Any support or advice would mean a lot.

[Shaz51]

@Eclipsefairies  you said I’ve been at my job for a few years, and I’ve never had major issues before.

maybe yesterday was a one-off thing and everything will be back to normal for tomorrow my friend 

I know and understand how hard it is to overthink 

can you do some self care for yourself today , what hobbies do you like to do 

have you and furbabies xx

[Shaz51]

@Jynx , @AuntGlow 

[Mrs_Fix]

I hope you are feeling calmer now.

And I think he mentioned the gossip thing just to bring in the main topic - personal hygiene…

If you don’t mind sharing what was he complaining about?  If you don’t want to share and that’s okay.

I understand it is something really difficult to process emotionally. And it is okay to take your time to process (the stress, the anger, the sadness)  

But it is also really crucial to understand how the situation is affecting people around you, and how you can minimise the effect without compromising yourself too much. This is the best way to prevent similar event from happening. Of course, think about stuff like this after you are feeling calmer.

This is usually my mental flow after I receive any feedback:

-Feel angry/depressed/ panicked because of the negative comment

- Give myself space and time to experience the emotion ( Tell my partner I need space because I am sad) 

- Process the uncontrollable feelings. I would distract myself by doing soothing activities like watching Rick and Morty, cuddle my dog, or even just go for a nap or a snack lol. I notice this way you can still “feel what’s within you” but prevent it from getting too much. 

- Be rational: Once I feel less overwhelmed ,I will try to look at the situation from a 3rd party perspective by assessing the situation but replace myself with “someone”.

- Be proactive: Provide solutions and methods that stops people from complaining.

[Eclipsefairies]

@Mrs_Fix 

Thanks for checking in. I’m managing, but it was a really humiliating situation.

The manager brought up my personal hygiene in a way that felt very confronting and out of nowhere. What made it worse is that I already have medical issues that affect this, and I have been working with doctors about it. And I’ve already told them my personal hygiene is out of my control and I’ve tried everything in every way possible to fix it, wash my clothes, bath shower and everything and I’ve told them before that this was a problem and I’m trying to fix it 

He didn’t give me a chance to explain, and it was brought up like gossip rather than a private, respectful conversation. It felt like he was shaming me for it, like I had to fix myself for them so they seemed better. 

I understand workplace impact, but I wish it had been handled professionally instead of making me feel ashamed. I’m still processing it, but I’m trying to focus on solutions without feeling punished for something I can’t fully control.

[Jynx]

Thanks for the tag @Shaz51 💜

@Eclipsefairies sounds like the whole situation was extremely unprofessional. Not sure if this is something you want to be thinking about right now, but do you feel it's worth making a formal complaint?

[Eclipsefairies]

@Jynx 

people have tried putting complaints in against work, especially this manager but it keeps getting pushed under the rug. I feel like I was slightly ambushed but the whole situation. 

[Jynx]

Doesn't have to be today @Eclipsefairies especially if you're still feeling heightened, but you could check out the Fair Work ombudsman - way I understand it is that yes, complaints should be made internally first, but that if they're not handled in a legal and respectful manner, you can take it to the ombudsman to intervene. If multiple people are making complaints, yet nothing is changing, sounds like could be worth looking into. Especially when they're violating your privacy like this. You deserve better 💜

[Mrs_Fix]

If I was you I would ask for another meeting with your manager:

1.Tell him you think the way he brought up your personal hygiene is extremely unprofessional. If he wants the feedback to be listened he should have the meeting in private and professional manner.  Also, you are always allowed to have a chaperone, and you are allowed to document/ voice record these meetings given you asked for permission. They should say yes to it unless they know they are gonna say something that can get them into trouble. In that case you can deny the meeting .

2. Ask him EXACTLY how this personal hygiene issue is affecting your work performance. And then ask how it is affecting the workplace and what he thinks needs to be done. (He is the manager and it is his jobs to figure things out) 

Provide facts about your conditions and what your doctor has recommended and work out a solution with your manager to minimise whatever that he thinks is affecting the workplace.

3. It’s really important to remember you are not building a relationship with people from work. They hired you for your productivity and you work there for money. The best way to stand up for yourself is speak up- with tactics and facts. 

[tyme]

Hi @Mrs_Fix , I'm just tagging @Eclipsefairies so they don't miss your post above.

You can tag people by typing "@" in front of their name.