Topic Tuesday // Lets get real! Transitions into parenthood // Tues 12 Nov 7pm AEDT

[Shaz51]

@Appleblossom, @octavia 

[Julia2019]

Hi @Jane06 

It sounds like that was a really difficult time for you.

We talk to many mums on the PANDA Helpline that talk about having similar experiences and how difficult it can be when your expectations of how you are going to feel dont meet the reality.  It can be devastating and so difficult to talk about.

[Teej]

Hi all 👋🏻

I think “this isn’t how it’s meant to be moment” came really early on. In hospital I kept looking at my first born and thinking that I didn’t love him like I thought I would. It took time for me I think to move from pregnancy to being a mum. I did grow to love him in the coming weeks and be the protective mum but it wasn’t love at first sight. 

[Sarzie]

Hi @Wanderer. Good to hear from you. I imagine you must have some parenting stories. Look forward to hearing them if we see you later.

Thank you for sharing with us @Shaz51.

@Owlunar it sounds like you have had two very different experiences of early parenting and a sudden transition to parenting also. I imagine it would have been difficult to have that ‘culture shock’

Because it is quite quiet here tonight we thought it could be helpful for us to share some of our experiences also. Please continue sharing if you’d like to, it’s so important and helpful to be ‘real’!

No matter how confident we might feel before becoming parents, being a first time mum or dad can be the most confusing and uncertain time in our lives. Lots of second guessing and doubting ourselves. Did you struggle to feel confident as a parent and believe you were “good enough”? To be real - I still feel this is an ongoing challenge, does anyone else feel the same?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Teej welcome! Thanks so much for joining us and sharing

@Shaz51 that must have been tricky to navigate - I wonder if the you have some experiences from that journey around the question around confidence that @Sarzie just shared too

[Shaz51]

Did you struggle to feel confident as a parent and believe you were “good enough”?

-- Yes @Sarzie , because i was used to looking after children all day and then they go home

but when you become a step mum or a mum , the children don`t go , you have them full time

and when their real mum did not want them anymore , that was hard to understand

[Julia2019]

Hi @Teej 

Welcome and thanks for sharing.  It is really important to know that it is not always love at first sight when you meet your baby.  Like any relationship, it takes time to grow.  There is so much pressure for parents to feel a certain way and it is often unrealistic.  It is wonderful to hear that you got there in your own way in your own time.

[Teej]

Absolutely @Sarzie , and still do and mine are all adults. I have pretty strong memories of my first born and feeling like I couldn’t do anything right. I thought I was supposed to knowit all naturally. I hadn’t ever held a baby before mine arrived. I had no idea I think for the first really hard months. 

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member @Sarzie @PANDA @Julia2019 @Shaz51 @Owlunar @Jane06 @Wanderer @Teej 

My child is now 31 but I feel I've something to offer in this discussion.  Speaking of 'suddenly' being a parent - a doctor's accident meant I went into labour at 25 weeks and my child was born 14 weeks premmie weighing less than 2 pounds.  So it definitely wasn't meant to feel like it did in a myriad of ways.  So much I could tell about our journey here.  I was 25.  I didn't have the child I had expected to have, I did have a child with all sorts  of health problems, not the least being they were (are still) legally blind.  My child's father went off with someone else that same week, so I was also unexpectedly a single parent.  My child first came home at 12 weeks but had to have major eye surgery 4 days later in a new hospital.  I had major post-natal depression and anxiety which went on to become a disorder too. And grief, shock, guilt ...   And then 20 plus years of antidepressants which no-one knew I was having adverse response to - they were making me manic.  Didn't get diagnosed with bipolar 1 until age 46 (by which time I also had complex PTSD for many years) and I can now see that it was also a factor since well before I became a parent.  I'm 56 and relatively stable now but it's really only been the last 2 years that's been true. 

Really glad this discussion is happening, it's soooo important for new parents struggling to know they're not alone.

[Shaz51]

mine are all adults now too @Julia2019 , @Sarzie