Skip to main content
Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Maggie
Community Elder

Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

I’ve thought of starting a new thread for a while. So I thought today was the right time, while come courage is ebbing through my veins.

 

During the week, I unexpectedly met someone I had trained with, over 30 years ago. I was married back then, she was, and still is, with two beautiful boys, now two beautiful grandchildren. She filled me in on many of the other students we trained with at that time. So many successful stories. Don’t get me wrong, I like to hear how well others are doing, but unfortunately I am the black sheep.

 

I couldn’t help but compare our journeys. And as I walked into my humble abode, I heard myself saying, all I do is paint stones. I was flooded with feelings of failure, and thankful I have a counsellor I can contact when things get really dark.

 

I guess looking back over my journey, there seem to have been many new beginnings, from other beginnings ending. This year I have been trying to own my journey. Face the trauma of the littles inside, hiding behind a diagnosis of DID. Facing the facts of it being me, not them. It seemed another form of dissociation for me, but in reality, I was always there, somewhere.

 

Feeling the shame of failure at  everything crossroads. I seem to have spent my life searching for a faith I eventually lost. Entering a convent at 16, leaving 9 years later broken mentally and physically, not aware ( yet ) of the secrets of abuse, well hidden in my memory. Searching different denominations, then eventually 3 years missionary bible college training. Then the Big Bang. Divorce, remembering, alone. Through all of it , a tiny spark, though hidden , still searching. 

 

One unexpected meeting, days of unexpected searching. It’s hard not to compare, especially when we face the daily struggles with mental illnesses.

 

Life moves on, whether we like it or not.

 

So every new beginning comes from another beginnings end.

 

@NatureLover @Zoe7  @Faith-and Hope @Appleblossom @outlander @Former-Member @Emelia8 @Anastasia  @Shaz51 @oceangirl  @Powderfinger  

 

 

47 REPLIES 47

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

I am so happy you did his @Maggie now I have somewhere to catch up with you properly, thank you and go you for building up and following through on the courage 💪💪💪✔️💪💪💪

Can I just say please take what your friend said at face value. If I was to bump into someone from my past I would never disclose my :pile_of_poo::pile_of_poo::pile_of_poo:Ty life. Make.sense?

I have to run but again love that you did this xxxx💐🌹🌺🌼❣️

 

 

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

So very easy to compare our lives when there is so much brokenness and trauma attached to us, especially when you don’t see anything changing in the near future, nothing to look forward to. I do it so often. 

 

Glad that you have someone to touch base with when things are difficult.

 

you are lovely @Maggie so kind. 

 

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@greenpea  I forgot to tag you. 🙃🙃 I’m not good on tagging.

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@Maggie It seems to me, for the entire time I have known you here, that you have things that many others do not have Hon - you have care and compassion for others, insight into how others are feeling as well as within yourself, empathy in spades and a desire to truly be a positive role model and influence on your peers - none of those things are small things Maggie and whilst you may see the things in your life you have not done or not achieved - I believe what you have is immense. We do tend to compare ourselves against others and a history of abuse, trauma and/or mental illness certainly adds to the negative ways we feel about ourselves and the very real lack of any self-esteem we have ...but you are bigger and brighter than what you have endured. With every post here, for example, you shine that light on others, you enrich the lives of those who see your art and find comfort in your wise words. Do not measure yourself on the things that you have not achieved nor on those of others because you can only be true to yourself and that self we see is beautiful. Heart

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@Maggie 💜💙💛💚

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

Hi @Maggie . I'm so glad you started this thread! Thank you for sharing part of your story that I didn't know about you. That is very brave and I commend you for this so well done forumite friend👍.

 

I like you, have compared myself to what my other uni friends and other school friends have done, even with myself comparing myself to my own twin and that has often led me to believe that I'm a failure in many peoples eyes, including my own at times. However, I have realised that I'm my own person and have never really been mainstream as such. I may not have had the best employment record or own a house or have kids but I have been able to study at uni- I'm now into my second degree- and I have special skills and talents that some of these people don't have. My mental illnesses have given me the ability to be creative and I've learnt so much about myself that I might've not learnt had I not developed mental illness. Having mental health issues has opened up different doors of opportunity for me, including my role here at Sane and I'm very grateful for that. I'm productive in my own way and most of the time, I'm happy with my life. It's not perfect, nothing is, but I'm here and that's the main thing. I feel lucky to be alive and to be able to experience the things that are happening even if things are tough at the present time in the world.

 

You are definitely correct when you say that there's a new beginning from an ending as I totally agree with you. I believe that where one door closes, another one opens and you begin a new journey once again, taking on lessons from the past and learning new ones as they happen. It's like you are constantly making choices with each choice having a different consequence for us to deal with and each of our stories being different. That's the wonderful thing about life and each of us being individuals. People think that because I'm a twin, my twin sister and I must've had the same experiences and seen things the same way when we were growing up which I can tell you isn't necessarily true. Yes, we may have been at the same events but what we saw and what we did and remembered are definitely different due to our personal perceptions of the event.


Once again, thank you for starting this thread. I look forward to seeing which direction this thread post heads in as I find it to be very interesting. 

Take care!

Judi9877☺️🌻

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@Maggie 

 

Wow this is great. It is the most I have ever heard you "speak". I am glad you had some courage to do this. 

 

From a writers point of view, a story is relayed by how a person sees it and experiences it. That and word of mouth. The broken down telephone is a reality here too. A message is relayed over and over again and all one person needs to do is express a message in the way they have received it (not generally the way it has been originally expressed), work that down a long list of people and one has to wonder how accurate things really are. 

 

My point being here is that it is about perception Maggie. Also how one defines success? Why not go beyond defining success outside topics such as marriage, career, family, money, what you own and so on? 

 

I am sorry that I am not able to comment on the time you were in a convent and the time you spent there. I am saddened to hear how you left when you did leave. The shape you were in. I am not able to comment as I come fram a majorly abusive background with religion, faith and so forth. Its quite dangerous for me to go there so I do not. 

 

As for your divorce. Of course, I have not personally experienced divorce. I will not say to you I understand how you feel and how it felt. I will say though that depending on who you were with, breakups can be excruciatingly painful without even being married. I have watched enough people go through divorces and are absolutely crushed. I am not surpised and I can even understand the feelings. Empath, highly sensitive and so on. 

 

It does take two to make a marriage work Maggie. What I will say is YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE because of being divorced. You are worthy of being loved, you were always there and are still there now. It's very hard to love in a world where love is still not understood. 

 

You do not "just paint rocks" you are successful because you live with a mental illness. 

 

Love to you. 

 

 

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@MaggieMaggie HeartHeart. I am hopeless at tagging :)xxx

Re: Every new beginning, comes from some other beginnings end. Seneca.

@Maggie  Maggie please never apologise to the pea. You are such a good friend. I love you Maggie xxx

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance