Hello @Last-Lament and @Dimity
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{Long Post ~1050 words}
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@Last-Lament I enjoyed reading your comment on reducing “baggage” and the effect that being mindful of what you retain and why, has had for you. The fact that you find the less cluttered space leading to a more relaxed lifestyle, is both assuring and inspirational. Your comments about having so much around coincides with the way that I also feel at the moment.
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For me, having access to what I need, when I need it, is one of my motivators. Also, as you have alluded to, there is only so much that an individual can reasonably expect to make use of, during any given period of time, be that a day, a week, a year or a decade. So much material collected in anticipation of plans and projects that are no longer achievable or useful. And the time-span for making use of those materials is getting shorter and shorter. So I not only have to cull the physical material load, but also the mentally and physically achievable project load. All of which means sorting and letting go of materials and mentally retained plans and objectives. The reward will be that I can take on a realistic and achievable project and have the sense of accomplishment that comes from its completion. Also to enjoy a more relaxed lifestyle.
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I spend a lot of time, not very successfully, trying to manage “resources” instead of using them. Much of what I have at the present time has been acquired in the last 20 odd years. I am becoming more and more aware that what I might have considered being able to accomplish, even as recently as 10 years ago, is very different from what I can reasonably expect to accomplish and achieve now. And that is what I also have to accommodate as well.
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There are a lot of reasons for acquiring objects. Sometimes, they are for immediate use, other times for inclusion in future plans. I have recently become aware that much of what I have collected is a form of protection or even defence. A way of distancing myself from other people and to some extent, them from me. This is part of the reason that I decided to again seek the assistance of a counsellor about 3 months ago. I was aware that there were issues that I needed to view from other, new, different perspectives. I realised that the distancing was continuing and developing as a way of life that I no longer wanted to retain. Not, necessarily, that I had consciously chosen that style of life, but it was a style that I have developed, in part, as a form of self protection and self defence. Also, I was concerned that that way of life was turning into a dark rabbit hole.
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I can identify, very closely, with your comment,
“Many of the items, collected and held onto, were gathered in an attempt to provide protection for me, as I grappled with all of the issues of abuse and needing to belong, and (yet, also endeavouring to maintain the sense of) being self sufficient.
The abuse may have come in different forms for each of us, but was still abuse, all the same. There are many different degrees, types and forms of abuse. For people who have experienced abuse in its various forms, the results, expressions and products, I believe, often look very similar. Like so many others, I thought my own experiences were normal, “just like every one else”. But my experience was not like that which, I hope and now believe, that most other children and teenagers experienced during those years. It was only when I described my experiences, and the surprise, expressed by the counsellor, was the first response, that I became aware of inconsistencies and differences between my own experience and that of the majority of other children and teenagers. I was presented with very different scenarios, through which I realised those differences and variations. Isolation, during those formative years, meant that it was then an subsequently, difficult to form and visualise comparisons. Abuse also means retained and continuing effects of that trauma load, that we express in various ways throughout our lives, some of which can be learned practices of self defence and self protection, and even by separation through dissociation. Unfortunately, I have come to realise, that many of the ways in which I have learned to react and respond, can be and have been maladaptive and counterproductive in other contexts. While I have, maybe intuitively at times, endeavoured to empathise with and support others in dealing with the effects of abuse, it is only at this late stage, that I am really becoming aware of the impact that abuse has had on, and within my own life. Indeed, what I am presently writing in these comments is really, a relatively new exercise and experience for me.
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The problem needs to be addressed before a solution can be realised. And the problem isn't always what appears to be most obvious.
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I want to be able to invite people to my home, enjoy the company of others in my space as much as I am learning to enjoy theirs, as I hope that they enjoy mine, in their spaces. I could see, in my life, the older patterns becoming more and more evident and self reinforcing, patterns of learned behaviours, that are very different from the way that I wish to live.
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I believe that my activity, with other members, on this forum site, the assistance of a counsellor, resolving the problems and stressors of a cyclone, the processing of feelings following the death of my mother and my engagement with other people in the community in which I live, have all been significant contributors to my self awareness and desire for change. A manifestation of which is my present desire to remove, reduce and rationalise.
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Another area of development for me relates to what you wrote,
“Keeping present within my surrounds, mindful of the task I'm doing and the area I'm physically in, helps with maintaining my goal of decluttering.”
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Thank You to Both of You
and other members of the forum
With My Best Wishes
@HenryX
