Lived Experience Forum

[hope77]

I know it seems silly but I hate this time of my life. I miss my Children so very much. Spent my weekend talking to my son who came down for the weekend (he lives with his father) All I want to do is spend some time with all my adult children miss them so much. Has anyone else had trouble letting go?

[NikNik]

@hope77
I don't have adult children, so I can't speak from experience.
It's lovely that your son came down for the weekend!
I think there's a middle ground between letting them go completely and being overbearing. You aren't expected to let go completely 🙂 They are your kids!

Do you have traditions that you can keep up with them? I found this really important when I flew from the nest. I make the trip to my parents once a month, we still celebrate birthdays (it might not be on the exact date, but we make the effort) and my mum calls me once a week (unless there's something else going on).

So all these traditions help me maintain connected, while also not being too overbearing on them and vice-versa.

[Ffm48]

Letting go of your children, @hope77? Why would you want to do that? They are your children forever; even more than that - they are part of you, cf. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-discover-childrens-cells-living-in-mothers-brai.... It is only natural you would miss them. It would be a different thing if you were to interfere in their lives - not let them grow up; you didn't say anything about that. Mine are 38 and 36; there's not a day I don't think of them - not a day I don't miss them and that's okay. I hope you can have lot's of quality time with your children.

[Appleblossom]

Yep @hope77 I have had a lot of trouble with those issues AND the CULTURAL RANGE OF ATTITUDES to them.

Family is the ultimate culture .. but also infinitely varied .. not just ethnically.

Yep I miss my daughter all the time but have to manage my sense of anger about that.

Totally into letting go of my son .. but it seems it will happen when he is well and truly ready.

They used to say "Let go and Let God" .. but then I was told that went out of fashion .. no longer appropriate.

Then I was told that IT WAS RIGHT that Europeans have tight bonds, but others say that is clinging... and that Americans and Aussies let go .. but then there is also neglect and not caring in that.

I really enjoyed teaching new migrants (of all description) and feeling the closeness in their families.

Bottom line .. your feelings your kids ...

[Ffm48]

When you love, you let go - you let them soar. To my way of thinking loving them and missing them is not the same as clinging. You don't stop being a mum and you love them forever. That doesn't mean you have to agree with everything they do. That doesn't mean you can't get angry them. You may hate what they do, the trouble they get into ...  but you still love them

[Tigga19]

My children are with their dad for this first week of the school holidays and I miss them terribly.  They are just 8 and 10.  I know they love both their parents but to be honest I just hate being without them for so many days.  It feels so wrong and I'm totally lost without them.

[hope77]

Thanks, everyone, I'm never have been overbearing. I think maybe just try to concentrate on hubby and me for awhile and let the kids live their own life and trust in myself enough that I did enough. I'm sure they are good human beings have not seen them on the six a clock news. lol. And hope they will call me if they need me. 

[Shaz51]

They will @hope77

I have no children of my own , but I have 4 stepchildren now who are all adults and I know they love me in their own way

Their father , my Husband feels the same way as you , they do go their  own way for a whle  and then they will out of the blue ring their dad