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Rick
Senior Contributor

It's been a long while.......

Howdy, It's Rick.

Been away a long time. Am so very alone. 

Am working as a co facilitator and part author of the Cert 4 Peer Mental Health couese, at a training organisation. I'm also the consumer consultant, student suppport and lived experience mentor. try getting that onto a single line on a resume.

It's part time, which is good because it's ben so long since I've done any direct care and support work.

As the consultant and student support, I have the challenging responsibility of providing advice that is then actioned. 

I am experiencing some serious triggering issues. 

I need more support.

Living alone means I have no natural supports.

As a survivor of 14 years of sadistic torture by Parent my illness is complex. treatment wise we are using Uppers as a last rwsort cos after 14 years of treatment no tratment, ,medication or therapies have be effective.

Iyt's typical in this level of complex diagnosis.

Any one know of north Brisbane support groups for child abuse survivors or even complex PTSD  groups.

I'm a bit desparate cos if I don't find some support soon I may fail. I've worked very hard and studied very hard to achieve my current level of recovery, but the triggers are too hard to deal with alone .

 

please help

Moderators, please connnect directly if you have any insights please.

 

thankyou 

rick

8 REPLIES 8

Re: It's been a long while.......

So glad to hear from you @Rick... sorry I dont know any supports in Qld. Good on you for holding down USEFUL & IMPORTANT job ...

I can only imagine the regular triggers you may have when dealing at the coal face in the mental health field.

 

Re: It's been a long while.......

Hi @Rick

Welcome back!

Wow you are busy doing a lot and providing a lot of support to others in a valuable way but i agree it is definietly understandable that you would feel triggered, vicarious trauma is also a real possibility (and real experience). Have the training organisation spoken to you about self care? 

sorry I dont know any support groups and we cant specify them on here anyway due to anonymity but this site Living Well has a list of sexual assualt services which operate all over queensland, or BlueKnot Foundation who work with CSA survivors specifically but in NSW, they may not be able to help themselves but may be able to direct you to local groups?

I was also wondering, if your open to it, if it may be a good time to connect /reconnect with a therapist? 

since you have been away there has also been a few new threads such as @BlueBay and @stairhead posting here about their experience with CSA, Tawney and @Former-Member posted here  and this article by @Former-Member

Re: It's been a long while.......

@Rick

I was so excited to see you on here - until I read what brought you back. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

I was so thrilled to read what work you're doing. It sounds PERFECT for you! You would bring so much to that role and it's going to help so many people. Congratulations.

There have been some great suggestions here for referrals. I'm also wondering if your workplace would provide any information. I would have thought there would be some supports in place.

Let us know how those referrals go and I hope we keep 'seeing' you around. You have been missed!

Nik

Re: It's been a long while.......

@NikNik 

well part of my job is to be the go to person for all things MH. So I am working out an infrastructure for our organisation in regards to the proper supports for peer workers. These poor buggers are relying on my advice, sadly they cannot offer me any of there own.

Iam looking at something more general like a peer worker support ?supervision service, and have thrown a few lines in the water now just waiting for a bite.

I recently applied for a parttime job with a NGO MH support service just so I could get a face to face with them. Their peer staff turnover is really very high. And some of these folk were students of ,ime and they quit study and 4 were hospitalised. % staff in six months. Appalling. So I ripped them a new one. I pointed out the obvious...

If you r first qualification criteria is that the person must be a frootloop then why the hell are there no special arrangements for support in place?

He said,"mentally ill people are bloody hard"

I said "Yes, of course they are." 

I mentioned the fact that his orgs on hold music was terribly jarring and artificial, and that in a distressed individual was forced to listen to that they would likely handup and not call back.

He agreed it was an issue but as the org was national the problem was too difficult to address from his point.

I mean reall? You cant address something as simple as onhold music and you expect to provide services for the MH sector and nurture your lived experience staff? fecken hopeless. I left him with a copy of a staff care model and the resources available for free in regards the on hold music. 

Neither have been actioned. What a bunch of tossers.

I am still in weekly contact with my psychiatrist George. Last year we got a second opinion from a doc who is apparently a leader in the complex trauma field. She confirmed the diadnosis, and the severity of the trauma and the treatment resistance of the following complex illness. Added a few observations,

She believe3s I may be the angriest man she's ever assessed, which at first I found disconcerting as I do not often feel anger. But I after some thought I could see that perhaps she ahd a point and that I don't feel this emotion readily due to it's inherent danger. I find it a state I do not have much use for since it's too late for it to make any diffference. But , yes ,I'm pretty bloody angry. 

With this last resort medication we seem to at least for now, how broken that disthymic cieling and the only real problem with that is I now am feeling emotions that I am not experienced with, and though my intellect can make sense and recognise these things I have no idea how do processs them. 

I am going to ask George to start again with ACT in an effort to integrate these emotional states. In the past we made no ground, but that was because disthymia severely limits emotional range. 

I miss my daughter terribly. She's 14 and I haven't seen or talked to her in 2 years. I recently sent her a snail mail letter and I have not recieved any nasty emails from her mother and in the letter I stated I would continue to write. Which I will. But it's devastating not being near her. Her mother cannot appreciate that and of course I've tried to keep the communication open but she refuses. She hates so strongly. I don't get it. She remarried almost straight away, they own a house, they travel , they have nice thing s, everything she ever wanted including functional intimacy. She should be happpy, but no, she hates and hates. Mind you she is a classic passive aggressive victim peronality disorder but I still don't get it.

As for me, I am still alone. I will remain so. I will not ever again put any woman through the exxperience of a relationship with me again. One must take responsibility for ones actions and behaviours no matter if they arte predicated by interna disorder. It is lonely though and as a partner is  natural support it is harder to get through the tuff stuff alone. No family, no partner and no access to my baby girl. It is hard. Luckily my friends are loving and patient but do they take the place of family and such? No. They want me to look at them as family but the intrnsic limitations of friendship versu family means that is not possible. 

I do apologise for the very long and self indulgent nonsense, but who else am I going to talk to?

 

Take care all

Thankyou for welcoming back. My input here will most likely be sporadic but I will try to get onlone a couple of times a month.

To those who offered advice, thankyou, If I am not already doing it, I will give it a go.

 

Have as good a week as you all deserve, which is a fabulous week.

 

 

Rick

Re: It's been a long while.......

So glad you posted @Rick .. both personal nonsense ...

I miss my baby girl too (tho she is all grown up) .. and that has been for longer .. I just have to deal with it.

and your

at the coal-face experience in MH field.

It does not surprise me that there is a high turn-over in peer workers .. it is part of the reason I did not put my hand up to do the Cert IV .. its sad and seems obvious ... but substantial support structures are a relatively new idea .. and need funding.

A month ago at a private fundraiser I was chatting to a young principal in education dept.... he had left the schools and was taking on an innovative role in the department ..  they were structuring support for school principals on a regional basis.... why ...school principals suicide ... its too much pressure on one person.

 

Please .. keep popping back .. we need to know this stuff .. it helps us stop feeling sorry for ourselves and see the big picture .. it also allows a degree of transparency which is necessary in a field where there is a lot of time and money spent behind closed doors. .. and lives are at stake.

 

 

Re: It's been a long while.......

Hi, 

lonliness is sometimes so crushing. I like you, have no family or partner. i have some friends who would like me to see them as family but its not the same. i do have my kids with me and i feel so strongly for you to be away from your baby girl. I hope that some communication opens up between you, even through snail mail.

my brain is so foggy and i wish i had more to offer you.

i'm glad you're back here, and hope that it helps

lj

Re: It's been a long while.......

... @Rick ..'government' and NGO's primary concern is themselves .. ie fat govt contracts or their constant 'promotion by right' , tenure, ie mostly unsackable, cpi pay increases and super that outperforms any so-called not for profit industry super by a factor of ten probably. As Joe Hockey said they are 'lifters and leaners' .. anyway wont go there re who the real 'leaners' are ..even small businesses pay NO tax etc.

And yes, lifetime alonesies for moi from since whenever last more than brief dalliance was, just so many horror stories from co-workers re breakups/courts etc ..anyhoo .. not me .. stay strong, anger is not cool tho and also a waste of energy, do what you have to though..

Re: It's been a long while.......

DEar @Rick

It's so great to see you. I used to be called justanother47yr and seperated from my husband now we are back together and changed my name to PeppiPatty.

I'm here for you @Rick

 I live in Western Australia but just want to say that am thinking of you. 

PPxx

 

 

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