Poem

[REDLINEZ750]

@heartathome 

[REDLINEZ750]

no why do you think that @AlwaysMyself?

sorry @heartathome  i dont know what i said that worried you

shit have i said something out of line?

[heartathome]

The picture hasn't come up yet, but I can't believe we've got down to 1 minute apart from posting each other! 😆💛 

[REDLINEZ750]

i know i was just going sit here wait for you @heartathome 

[REDLINEZ750]

i have to leave and come back though ogr it wont upload your message while im watching

[heartathome]

Not at all @REDLINEZ750 You were giving yourself such a hard time about making the phone call yesterday morning. I didn't know if you'd made the call or not and what you were doing if you didn't. I was concerned because you were so down on yourself! That was all it was on my part. I need something to worry about! 😆 No, I am sorry to put my 'worry' on you! I don't mean to!

I'm naturally a very anxious person! I 'worry' because I care and my brain is still wired that way. My mother was a very 'nervous' person. I believe my anxiety is a part of my upbringing and CPTSD. I'll try not to worry because that only adds extra pressure on you, because you care. My son has said the same thing to me! It's not fair when I do that! I panic.

I did pray and believed God had you in his hands! Please be honest with me about your feelings regardless. I need honesty and for you to feel you have the freedom and support to say whatever! Can you do that? Are you okay with me being a nervous wreck naturally?

I'm glad we get a new day to start over again. I'm already anxious... about nothing! It's my usual state. I can take a sedative but don't want to start as they are addictive. I'd rather be anxious and shake! 💛

[REDLINEZ750]

i will be away from 1= to 12.30 also i have a small window to myself i will probably use to get bike inside my room @heartathome 

i hope your having a good day  im a bit worried i said something thats been misread coz alwaysmyself is awesome she would have to deliberately sayt something meant to be mean for me to take offence and bunniekins i know has her mum to look after 

hope the sleep in hasnt thrown you around too much

[REDLINEZ750]

oh dear im not a person that should be worried about my friend im consistent when it comes to dumb stuff @heartathome hahaha

i will try not flip your switch too often

its not because I'm as wreck less as it looks unless I'm showing off but mainly its to remind myself im not scared coz i don't like it I'm not used to it and last few years i am

[heartathome]

 I've got to go out now too @REDLINEZ750  A friend and I are taking an elderly lady out, who has dementia, for a cuppa. She still knows us although she forgets my name sometimes. She's a wonderful older (86) person with many stories. Many the same ones but we don't mind.

I love Pooky in there! 🥰 I laughed when I saw the therapist because it looks like him, although my psych is clean shaven. I don't want the therapist smiling so big. I feel like wiping the smile from his face. 😉

Talk later 💛

[heartathome]

Hey @REDLINEZ750 

Well, at least you're consistent! 😆

It must be hard for you to be vulnerable! I understand. I don't like feeling either, but my psych tells me it takes much more courage and strength to be vulnerable. I believe that to be true! I know it's a lot harder for a man! I hope you can open up somewhat while you're away, so people can see who you truly are... and that's a courageous, empathetic, resilient, genuine, caring and honest man. I think what you're about to do is scary! New environment, new people and the unknown. All out of my comfort zone. What time are you leaving tomorrow? 

I read somewhere that you were from New Zealand. My ex-husband was from Whakatāne and was part Mouri and part Pakeha. I know they work, drink, fight and play hard. That was my experience with him, anyway. At the beginning of our relationship, he took me to see Once Were Warriors. I was a blubbering mess and he was like, 'No big deal. That was life'! I can tell you more about my brief marriage at another time, if you want to hear it! 😉

I hope you're having a good day! 💛