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[REDLINEZ750]

hey @heartathome, i know exactly how you feel and thoughts like that are more common than you would believe!

i will tag you into a thread of daily highlights i have been on since day one.

you will already know some and everyone of them are beautiful, non judgemental and accepting forumites  i believe  you will be comfortable there and supported. its an active space  @bunniekins @Alwaysmyself @Shaz51 @ChasingSunsets @rav3n

i start my first guided recovery tomorrow and relax if you have anxiety you dont need to  Person who rang me initially was accomadating and made process easy for me. very understanding people.

how are you now?

its been 4 hours since your post i notice

[REDLINEZ750]

i have been off work a while now due to unstable trauma responses @heartathome 

[Appleblossom]

@heartathome 

I can relate to your last poem too. I had an Aussie father and a judgy mother. I trusted her too much, even after dad died, and she did me wrong, as well as abandoning us, and silencing us from talking about it. I am probably lucky to have survived.

 I was in one country orphanage and did working holidays at a dairy farm for 4 years as a tween to mid teens.  I loved the countryside even though mainly a city girl.

Don’t worry too much about the old guard. I do feel more connected to you, through your poetry than some people I have known longer. It can take a while to accumulate tags. I do believe the mods and peer workers try and be inclusive.

take care 

gentle hugs 

🍎✌️

[heartathome]

Thanks for the hugs @AlwaysMyself   I really shouldn't have had a whinge on here although it means a lot to me that you replied. I don't think anyone means to leave me out. It's just my head! It always thinks the worst. They just don't know me well enough. I've been on for about a month now. I know that I can jump in on a chat, but I don't want to interrupt a conversation. It's not normally socially accepted! 

[AlwaysMyself]

I'm glad you shared how you felt and how your brain interprets things @heartathome . 😊 that way we can make sure to both support you better and also to encourage you and reinforce the truth in contrast to the brain's negative self-talk. 🥰

[heartathome]

@REDLINEZ750 @AlwaysMyself @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @tyme @Shaz51 @RebelliousAngel @avant-garde 

and anyone else on here 🙃

I went for a dip in the river, not too far from the opening of the ocean, this morning. It's a rare occurrence for me. It was very still, clear water! I've been asked to go up to the lookout tonight to see the full moon. I don't know if I'll go or not. I don't feel like it, but I didn't want to go dipping in the river as well. A couple of friends call it 'getting out of my comfort zone'. 

[heartathome]

@REDLINEZ750 Thanks for saying that 'Thoughts like that are more common than you would believe!' I needed to hear that. Now I'm crying. I haven't had any coffee for a few days which I think is having an effect on me. It's also a full moon tonight. I feel like a sooky bubba for posting what I did and this. I miss the hub!! I try to keep it light on the chats, but I want to talk like this, and who needs to hear this ****. It's just going over the same thing. I'm just having a sad day!

[Appleblossom]

It’s great you had a dip. @heartathome I have been reading a book called

The smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise

it talks about the metaphor of the sea and water and tears of grief 

sometimes it just has to come out 

[AuntGlow]

Just popping by to let you know you're absolutely allowed to have a sad day! @heartathome 

Sometimes our thoughts circle when there's a feeling that might need some extra love - could that be the sadness? How can we show that part of you some compassion? 💖

[Bunniekins]

@heartathome   going for a swim in the river sounds beautiful :D.  be gentle on yourself you have nothing to prove to anyone.  the full moon will always return xx