03-10-2019 09:51 PM
I dont feel ok, I feel like i am going to explode. I have so much work to do at uni and I cant get anymore extensions and I am so exhausted because the last 3 weeks have been so busy i have had hardly any sleep. I usually need "recovery time" in between major assignments but I have had none and I have one due tomorrow and it is only half done and another due next week as well as 4 in class tests/quizzes over the next week, my exam time table is a mess and I literally have no time to study for my exams and that means it will be another 4 weeks before i can even take a long enough break to sleep. I have 2 other major things i am supposed to be doing which also cannot be put off. I havent had a meal in 3 days because I dont have time to cook or do the dishes and have been eating cereal without milk because I ran out of milk. I feel physically sick and yesterday tried to go to the bathroom which isnt far away and ended up laying on the floor for 20 minutes becaue i felt so exhausted I feel like i am going to be sick right now and I still have to keep up with the 40 hours per week of usual class work. I cant even sleep for the few hours i have because my head wont shut off and I cant even take one day on the weekend because i have to do my washing and cleaning and shopping and more assignments and study for a test. the assigment that is due tomorrow i have spent the last 10 hours working on and still have over 1000 words that i have to write and is worth 40% of my total grade and I already got an extension and i dont even feel like i am awake and i just cant do this i am so tired and i feel sick and i cant even cry because i just feel so disconnected and I have 5 hours of classes tomorrow with no breaks in between and i just cant do this. I dont understand how they can expect this much from anyone let alone someone how is already dealing with a heap of other things as well. oh and i am poor at the moment well i am alwways poor but I had to spend over $1000 on medical in the last 3 weeks I just dont get it how are people expected to live like this.
04-10-2019 03:26 AM
@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 I understand exactly where you are coming from as I did uni when I was acutely unwell (not saying that you are manic just that everything was going wrong for me at the time). I have no answers except try and eat well that is super important for you to get through this. Will be thinking of you over this period and sending you kind thoughts. Love peaxx
04-10-2019 07:19 AM
have you tried anti-psychotics @Eden1919 ? mine don't do much but they help a bit, enough to get my level of funcitoning up to working 2 casual jobs & being on top of food prep & laundry.
It's dangerous to starve, dehydrate & neglect yourself. My aunt just wound up in hospital becuase she hadn't been eating anough fruit & vegetables & not drinking anough water. It took them 2 weeks in hospital to get her well again & it was excruciatingly painful for her, she had to go in an ambulance. If that happens to you, you'll miss uni, assignment deadlines and maybe even exams.
It sounds like you can't manage with independent, daily living tasks of food prep, laundry, grocery shopping etc on your own. You may need a support worker to visit you regularly to assist with these tasks.
04-10-2019 08:48 AM
Hi @Eden1919 , I'm really sorry things are so hard right now. I've been thinking about you and meant to check in with you. I don't know what to suggest really, but, maybe next term you could look at dropping a class and making it a bit easier on yourself? I know it's not ideal, but, it might be better in the long run. I found university very challenging as they do expect a great deal from you.
Take care, keep talking to us here if you need to.
04-10-2019 07:01 PM
@greenpea thanks yeah I am trying it is just very hard.
@BryanaCamp antipsychotics and meds in general make my functioning A LOT WORSE like so so so much worse and i am never going on them again ever. I cant get a support worker at the moment as the place i am living doesnt have any options for that for mental health. I hope your aunt is feeling better I am doing my best to keep eating and hydrated.
@Gazza75 I sadly cant reduce my course load at least not for another year. i know life is hard and that you have to work hard but i still think it isnt reasonable to make people (not just me a lot of other students as well) compromise their health just to get a quilification so they can afford to keep a roof over their head because minimum wage isnt enough.
04-10-2019 08:43 PM
Hang in there @Eden1919, hope you can get a bit of rest and recover over the weekend. It's a terrible situation to be facing. Thinking of you
08-10-2019 11:58 PM
@Gazza75 thanks I have been trying to rest a little but there is still so much work left.
@greenpea i was wondering, and seeing as we have had some similar issues i wanted to tag you. I keep wondering and I cant tell if this is a bad thing or if i should just keep ignoring it. I cannot get over the feeling/belief that the doctors and mental health professionals are actually evil and wanting to hurt me. and it is so hard for me to even consider simply that they had good intentions because of what happened there and how horrible it was and i know i have good reason to believe they arent good people but then this leaves me with a constant fear that if i slip up or tell them too much i will be in a huge amount of danger. I am really not sure how to process this and i wondered if you had experienced anything similar....
09-10-2019 02:41 AM
@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 I know what you mean re evil doctors and health professionals etc. What I have found is they want to null everything about having a mi like we both have including the magic side of the disorder. There is a special side which I love and miss now that it has gone Sure there is bad stuff but there is also positives. Plus I have the threat of depot injections if I dont comply with taking my medications .... I m totally in their hands now. I have to go to monthly appointments with pdoc and she asks me how I am going.... there is stuff I would never tell her. Private stuff which to be honest I am trying to forget.
I am a little bit envious (in a good way) of you being medication free. I wish I was. The best I do is tinker with my meds which is what I m doing atm to try to stop the hand tremors. I just have to be very careful for if I go crazy again I am in big trouble and I dont want to go down tht alley.
Stay med free. Know that there are good doctors out their but they all want to control you and 'normalise' you more than being evil although evil ones do exist. Love peaxx
09-10-2019 08:18 AM
It's nice to hear from you @Eden1919 .
I'm glad you have been trying to rest.
09-10-2019 08:56 PM
@greenpea yes i suppose control is a good word. I feel for you being stuck I was stuck for a while there. the only times I have actively lied to professionals was when i was trying to get away from them during that time when I was trapped and forced to be on depots. it was horrible and I dont ususally lie but i knew i had to then or i wouldnt have survuved much longer. to be quite honest i dont think i would have even made it another month like that. regardless of their intentions good or bad it did not help it made things so much worse and i suppose for that reason and knowing that you are right ultimatley they only care about control i guess that just means i know i have to be careful and that personally it isnt good for me to trust them with certain things. I really hope one day you get the option/ability to decide your own health care options. I guess I am lucky that to some extent i can balance myself between my different realities and go mostly unnoticed it is hard and exhausting and painful at times but it is better than the meds my "natural" suffering is still so much better than the on meds suffering.
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