Lived Experience Forum

[Razzle]

Mums making a move for bed, so I think I will follow.

Thankyou @Zoe7  for listening, I really do appreciate your support ❤️❤️

[Zoe7]

Power to you @Razzle  You know what you want and what you need and if your marriage is not providing that for you - even after counselling and promises to change then do what you need to do.

I am heading off to bed now too Hon. Happy to be here for you and happy to listen. Sometimes we just need that ear (eyes) to help us work through things in our minds so they can become a bit clearer for us. Stay strong @Razzle and let me know how it all goes 

[Zoe7]

Hey @Razzle Have not seen you around for some time and wondering how you are. Missing our chats Hon 

[Zoe7]

@Razzle 

[Razzle]

Hi @Zoe7 

I haven’t been on the forums for a while.  A lot of my time has been taken up with mum at the moment.

Mum had a fall in late November and after 2 1/2 weeks of getting no where with her Dr I drove her to a bigger hospital where she had her broken hip operated on.  Up until then her old Dr kept telling me nothing was wrong,

it was just muscular.  We stayed there for almost 2 weeks before we could come home.  She’s now back on her feet, no walking aids necessary, doing really well - plus she has a new Dr.

We went away after Xmas, mum was terribly confused and had a couple of UTI’s while we were away.  My brother that was holidaying with us finally saw exactly what mum is like all day every day - at one point we had a bit of an argument about her meds, which snow balled into the way I cared for mum.  So, I took off for the day and left him to it - he lasted 1/2 a day and decided that maybe I did know what I was doing.

Mums dementia is getting worse, you can notice the decline almost daily.  At the moment she has decided she isn’t in her own house and keeps packing a bag ready to go home.  Yesterday she was heading out the door every 10-15 minutes.  In the end I let her go just to see where she went, she made it 2 blocks but didn’t know where she was so I brought her home.  (I’d followed her in the car)

Finally worked out she thinks she still lives in a house that she grew up in, which she hasn’t been to in over 60years.  So, she needs to be watched at all times now.  Physically she is probably the best she has been for a long time, but memory wise she is at her worst.

My son and his partner broke up - no surprises there.  His partner has been withholding the baby from us.  I haven’t seen the baby since October. My son has been going back to their house regularly to see the baby, but

is back at our house between times until uni goes back.

For now, I’m trying to take care of myself as well as mum.  I’m eating pretty healthy, and have set up a home gym in mums pergola area so that I can exercise daily, usually before she gets up in the morning.

I no longer see my councillor anymore.  I never got back the trust I lost in him, which still upsets me when I think about it.  

Thankyou so much for checking in on me.  I’m hanging in for now, although I know things will slowly get worse, one day at a time is all I can do.

Hope Cat is still ok?  And your little dog.  I hope you have been given a place to teach this year and that it all goes well, I think school goes back soon?  Hope you’re keeping well too❤️❤️

[Zoe7]

Unfortunately there are some drs out there that just do not listen or give the time necessary to each patient and become complacent with regular patients  I am so glad you took your Mum further afield to see someone else and that her broken hip was seen to straight away. She must have been in so much pain and in my opinion it was neglectful of that other dr not to treat the symptoms rather think they knew best from her history @Razzle 

You certainly opened your brother's eyes to what you are dealing with daily - good on you. Judgement is so prevalent without basis and when it comes to family often they voice their concerns thiniking they know best or can do better without actually living within it themselves. You are doing an amazing job with your Mum and I am really pleased to hear despite how difficult it is that you are looking after yourself too Hon 

I am not surprised you have not gone back to that councillor. Once trust is so openly broken it is near impossible to get that back and any therapeutic relationship you would have would be tinged with doubt anyway. He not only broke your trust but made you feel like you did not matter as much as your husband did - so double betrayal. 

You always knew that your son and his partner would not last - especially with the hold her mother had over everything. I am sorry you have not seen your grandchild for so long but good that your son still does see her. It is important for him to keep up that relationship and for his daughter to know he is there for her. Even though she is still very young in the long term she will know he loves her and wants to be a father to her. No doubt his ex is making that all very difficult but he is persisting and that is important.

Cat is doing really well. She goes back for her 3 monthly ultrasound in a couple of weeks. It is about a month overdue but her vet has been away as has the specialist - so when they are both back I will book her in. Tobes is as gorgeous as ever. He still follows me everywhere and tries to 'help' me do things around the house. I have just had a massive sort and clean out of all my boxes and cupbards - finally got rid of a lot of things and sorted out all my school stuff - it has taken weeks but finished it yesterday. Co-incidently I finished the day after Faith and Hope came back from her overseas holiday - so it was good timing. I very much missed her whilst she was away so getting stuck into something productive for most of that time helped. 

I go back to work tomorrow week. I am at a new school (a little further away but still closer than my old school). Teaching a 1/2 for terms 1 and 2 and then it is planned I teach Art - so I am really looking forward to that it it does happen. Nothing is set in stone as yet but that has been what I have been told by the Principal that she is planning. I am starting to get nervous about starting somewhere new again ...and I am going back fulltime ...so this week plenty of rest in amongst planning what I can and getting organised to go back.

Doing okay myself - had some tricky days and nightmares have returned lately - night meds aren't helping much but see my pdoc next week so will most likely increase one again. It is not great timing being back at work then but I need to be able to sleep to function - especially at work.

If you need support - or just to vent then jump on here and tag me anytime Hon - always here for you. I miss having our chats but with everything you are juggling it is no wonder you are not able to be around. Take care of yourself sweetheart 

[Shaz51]

thinking of you lots @Razzle 

[Razzle]

Thanks @Zoe7   Not sure if it’s good or bad but feeling a bit disconnected from everything at the moment.  Its

probably good, I can concentrate on the jobs at hand without getting drawn into the emotional side of things.

Glad you have a teaching position, I’m sure you told me earlier that you love art, so teaching it will be fantastic.  The nerves will pass when you get to know everyone, I’m so happy for you and hope the principles plans pan out.

Glad Cat and Toby are well.  They’ll have to get used to each other’s company again when you head back to work.  Must be a great feeling to get all your cupboards and boxes sorted - nothing like a good clean out to get rid of all the clutter.

[Razzle]

Thanks @Shaz51.  I see you have been tagging me in a few things, Thankyou.  By the time I’ve seen them it’s been late at night and my energy levels are wanting me to sleep - or it has been days later and I feel like it’s too late to respond.  Hopefully now we’re back into a bit of a routine I can jump on the forums more regularly.

Thankyou for the hugs ❤️❤️

[Zoe7]

Feeling disconnected is quite natural with everything you are dealing with @Razzle - and yes probably not such a bad thing to help you navigate the emotional minefield you are faced with. You are doing things to look after yourself too so that will be helping. Your Mum is lucky to have you