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Something’s not right

Meowsy
Contributor

Thinking about psychosis?

Does anybody else ever feel like they just want to live in psychosis again after it's happened?

 

I have had one psychosis episode just over a year ago now, and sometimes I just want to be back in hospital because it was easy. I know that at the time I hated it, but I have this sentimental attachment to it now (probably through rose-coloured glasses as I was very depressed when it was happening), and some days even when driving past the hospital in the car I have warmish feelings towards being there. 

Since I've come out, I've been looking for work with no success, and just drifting along studying one day a week, and I'm not really enjoying it anymore. The study is causing me more anxiety than I'd like and am considering changing my course to something that might be more suited to me. But anyway, I'm writing this as I'm having a "sick day" to avoid going in to uni, thinking about how my life was simpler during my recovery process and I wasn't actively doing much except getting better. 

I think I'm mainly down because I currently have no income (or income support) and cannot seem to find work which is all I really want to do. At the same time it really scares me to work again as I have pretty bad social anxiety in such situations. I feel like I'm just a bit stuck and don't really know what to do with myself anymore other than what I've been doing and persisting through the problems.  

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

Hi @Meowsy ,

 

I haven't had the feelings that you have. 

 

I know it can be very hard to look for work and also understand some of the challenges of being employed if it does happen.  I found it pretty challenging to work since my diagnosis last year.  I kind of wish I had taken more time to get better before I went back to work, but, I was pressured into returning by my family.  It's so hard when you have little or no money.

 

What kind of course were you thinking of changing to?


It's nice to hear from you again, wish it was under slightly better circumstances 🙂 

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

Hello again @Gazza75  🙂

Oh that sucks that you were pressured to work too soon. I have the opposite problem, my family doesn't seem to want me to work yet but I really want to so I have an income to contribute and obviously support myself instead of my partner and parents having to do it. My psychiatrist wants me to take it easy too, so I'm not sure if I'm trying to rush things. 

I'm not too sure what I might want to change to yet, but I'm currently doing forensics. I like it, but it's become apparent that Chemistry isn't really my strong point and what is causing my anxiety and there will be alot of that in there. So maybe thinking of something more Biology related or something different from the sciences all together. I'd probably ideally try something new at Tafe if I had the funds for it.






Re: Thinking about psychosis?

@Meowsy  🙂

 

I can understand why your family and psyiatrist want you to take your time.  It's a diffucult situation to be in.  I do understand why you want to get into work and contribute yourself.  It's a bit of a catch 22 as they say.

 

Fingers crossed you can get enough funds down the track and maybe do the TAFE course you want.  I really struggled with science at school and stayed as far away from chemistry as humanly possible.  Good on you for having a crack at it, forensics seem's like a pretty fascinating field to be in.

 

It's really great and positive you are studying, even it has been a challenge. 

 

I kind of get why there would be some 'comfort' in being in hospital.  I found hospital really hard once I had kind of got back on my feet.  Found it to confronting on a lot of levels.

 

 Try not to be to discouraged in how challenging it is to get into the workforce.  It's something that most of us have battled with at some point.  I only got my current job due to my brother helping me catch a break.  He badgered me for a long time before I finallay succumbed.  In hindsight I'm so glad he did as it's been a great place to work and its the longest I have ever held down a position.  When I was younger I did a lot of contract work and often was only somewhere for a few weeks or months.

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

@Gazza75 

I'm pretty glad I've given uni a go since I've gotten out of my recovery last year, it's helped me in ways, even though I've been struggling. It's probably good to have the consistency of getting out of the house for something rather than staying home all the time by myself, and given me some practice having to engage with people when I really don't feel like I can. Hopefully it does get better or I find something more suitable. But I will keep at it regardless. And also I guess I've only ever really done the sciences at school and throughout various courses so in a way I'm more comfortable picking those types of courses. I think job-wise for the future maybe it won't be the best choice for me though, so that's why I'm considering something different.    

And yes, I too found hospital pretty unpleasant towards the end of my stay there, but as I said I've got some odd feelings about it now for whatever reason, but deep down I do know I don't want to be back in there though. 

That's great you've found a position you like also. I'm seeing a job consultant voluntarily for the past couple of months and she seems to be trying to help me, so hopefully I can catch a break soon also and find something I enjoy and doesn't stress me out too much.   

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

I think uni would be helping you for sure @Meowsy .  I didn't finish the course I started, but, I still look back at that time of my life fondly.  It's definitely good that you are getting out of the house.  If you feel that you should change then its worth doing, if its not something you can see yourself doing jobwise then it makes a lot of sense.

 

I'm a bit sad that I haven't managed to keep in contact with some of the people I met in hopsital.  I did meet up with one person, but, I haven't spoken to her in a long time, I can't reach her on the phone.  I'm not very good with that kind of thing at the best of times.  I should try and put more effort into keeping up with people.  I met some really nice people while I was in there.

 

I'm glad you have found someone that is helping you find work.  I think you will catch a break at some point, it's always easier to find work when your in it.  It's really a matter of perserverence and not getting down about it. 

 

Are you looking for part time work mainly?

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

That's nice that you met some nice people in hospital @Gazza75 . I got placed in a room by myself in a different ward to mental health because of full capacity, so I was alone in there for a month with just the nurses and my family and partner visits. The nurses were mostly nice though so it wasn't too bad in that regard. It would definitely be nice if you were able to contact the people you met in there. 

And yes, I'm looking for part time work maybe just 15-20 hours to start with. My psychiatrist suggested starting with maybe 10 or so to ease into it. I'm trying not to get down about not finding anything as of yet, and trying to persevere. It's definitely a little easier and motivating having the contact with my job consultant though.  

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

Part time sounds like a good idea to me @Meowsy .  I'm really glad you have the job consultant and that it's helping you.  Have everything crossed that you can catch a break soon and get an opportunity.  I'm sure you will be an asset to any business.  Just keep chipping away and something will come your way sooner rather than later.  

 

Have a good day and better weekend 🙂

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

Reading your post it felt like I had written it myself. I had my first psychotic episode about 9 months ago, I was hospitalised twice for almost a month total.

i hated it when I was there, all I wanted was my independence back and to go home and pay my dog. Now, most of the time I miss it, and often wonder if my mental health is bad enough to ask to be voluntary readmitted (only thing stopping me is id miss my dog too much and don’t really have anyone to take care of him)

when I was in hospital I had no worries whatsoever, I didn’t worry about bills or rent, that was something to worry about later. I often struggle to eat when I am at home and having three meals a day prepared for me made everything so easy. Plus they loaded me up on heaps of benzo so I really didn’t stress about much.

now I’m out looking for work and it’s impossible to find a job. I’ve applied for 300 jobs and so far was only offered 1, which I was only able to keep for 5 weeks before getting fired for being late too much, due to my depression. I really don’t k ow where to go from here, I’m on Newstart and I’ve cut back on all my expenses, moved in to a cheap shitty sharehouse, and my budget is still -$50 a week. I want to try get on disability but I know that’s just going to be such a struggle to get on to, especially when I rarely get out of bed. I haven’t showered in a week or more, my room is full of plates, and I just don’t have the energy to care. My mental health service discharged me because I missed too many appointments due to my depression. I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do and I have no supports to help me. Sometimes I wish the voices would come back, because at least then I had someone to talk to. 

Re: Thinking about psychosis?

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