Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

@MrDad  I agree about the talking about my wife and kids and often omit the effects on me. When asked directly I often lie and say I am fine except with support professionals. People closer to me are becoming more aware however. 

[Determined]

@Greg_MenCareToo  for me lack of help seeking resulted in burn out and loss of full time employment. 

One of my biggest barriers was in accepting all was not well with my darling and trusting others to support without forming ill opinions. 

[Greg_MenCareToo]

@MrDadI've found that starting the conversation with family or friends can sometimes help break the ice.

[MrDad]

@Determined I know my closest friends have a good idea. It is still almost a taboo topic. I find that other than the professionals, friends and family want to know what is happening with he wife and kids and how they can help them. There just never seems to be time to talk about what that does to me and how I am going. They do enquire about my physical health since I have my own physical disability. The mental health aspects just go by the wayside.

[Determined]

@Greg_MenCareToo 

My family did not really understand until after my darling had a number of suicide attempts and extended hospital stay .  

[Greg_MenCareToo]

@JMRD Agree 100% sometimes opening up to someone can be hard and I've had times where the other person just didn't know how to respond.  Made us both uncomfortable  Sometime it feels easier to figure things out yourself.

[Lauz]

So much great insight shared so far everyone - thank you. Lets keep going onto our next talking point:

Caring for someone else can feel like it's taking over your whole life and becoming 'who you are' - how do you find balance and make sure you are keeping your identity and purpose outside your caring role?

[Greg_MenCareToo]

@Determined having these conversations is a good way to feel more comfortable talking about these topics and hopefully that can flow into 'real life' if you get what I mean?

[Determined]

@Greg_MenCareToo  the first person outside if family I really opened up to was a work supervisor. Shortly after one of darlings attempts and hospitalization I was asked how the family was. I started off with the usual recorded message about yeah we are all doing great. The  had a bit of a melt down and admitted actually no life sux at the moment and explanation of what was happening. What a huge relief to admit that .

[Lauz]

Welcome @Adge - sorry to hear about the physical injuries you have experienced. I can imagine that it must be a bit conflicting having to deal with those assumptions.

While we can't speak to the experiences of the carer workforce specifically we can definiately understand the trouble that can be had when feeling judged unfairly around being a male caring for others. How do you find it when communicating to friends and family about being in a caring role?