Lived Experience Forum

[NatureLover]

OK, @Shine32 ...

My severe depression took years, and I was intensely suicidal for most of that time. I wasn't able to work or anything. I also was hardly able to sleep. I was seeing my GP weekly for part of that time, to get me through. I was on an anti-depressant from the GP, but it turned out not to be strong enough. I was trying to find a counsellor, but none of them 'fit'.

Then I got a psychiatrist at the end of that time. I actually had to wait 3 months to get in to see her, at a time when I was extremely suicidal. But the CATT team had changed my meds to something stronger, and when I did get in to see her, she upped the dose as high as I could go and also started me on a sleeping tablet. I also started talk therapy with her. All of those things started making me feel a lot better. But since then it's taken years of talk therapy to gain the healing that I've had. 

I'm not sure how encouraging any of that is... @Shine32 

[Shine32]

@NatureLover  Believe me it is 

just knowing you went through the journey and came out on top 

Did you know the cause of the depression? 

I'm trying to work because I'm the bread winner in my home and I'm worried if I stop working I won't be able to keep my home 

But at the same time going to work is making things hard for me I'm crying most of the time making mistakes and forgetting things 

I used to be at the top only my career and since changing jobs I'm in the lowest position and am barely doing those tasks 

I have a little boy who I had 90% custody of prior to me getting unwell 

I was such a mess that I asked his other family to have him because I knew It wouldn't be healthy for him to be around me this way 

what confuses me is how I could have been such a high functioning human and now getting up having a shower is a huge deal for me 

I have had a few big changes in my

life I don't know if they had maybe triggered this. But no matter what I do I can't seem to feel any better 

if I'm at work I feel the same way if I'm at home I feel the same 

if I'm in bed I feel the same way 

I've tried removing every stress in my

life and that hasn't helped either 

I guess I'm confused a lot of the time because I'm trying to figure out how your brain can just switch off the way mine has 

My lack of care for anything scares me Because I have always been one to look after myself and now I just can't seem to even remember those basic tasks 

[NatureLover]

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@Shine32 wrote:

what confuses me is how I could have been such a high functioning human and now getting up having a shower is a huge deal for me 

...I guess I'm confused a lot of the time because I'm trying to figure out how your brain can just switch off the way mine has 

My lack of care for anything scares me Because I have always been one to look after myself and now I just can't seem to even remember those basic tasks 

---

Unfortunately, that's what severe depression is, and that's why it scares me so much, more than any of my other illnesses. Depression robs you of all will to do anything.

Do you know the cause of your depression? You said you have had a few big changes...(No need to share them)

But please be encouraged - I have since rebuilt my life to be better than it was before. It is possible to survive and be happy again. 

@Shine32 

[Shine32]

@NatureLover @Thank u for writing back 

after 8 years in the same workplace new owners purchased the business and I didn't like they way they conducted business and left 

my son was also diagnosed with a disability 

I understand they are life changes but to just completely fall into a heap this way? I go through all day everyday with absolutely nothing in my mind 

I feel so numb all the time 

it's like my mind has just stopped working 

I've done a complete 360 I used to love people and socialising and now I refuse to see anyone or do anything 

[Skewd]

Hi there!

I can relate to much of what you are experiencing. You ask what helps?

I have found journalling at the end of the day helps with sleep; reflection helps see the day as a whole and helps put the day to bed. I write in a student diary, because they are cheap, readily available from newagents/stationers and there are only a few lines for each day, so the task does not become a big chore! I write to 3 things:

*Write down something you achieved today.

*What challenged you (the most) today?

*What came to you as a gift/surprise today?

Now that I do this journalling, I've recently started working on getting up in the morning, because I'm not good at it and I know that daylight is important for a healthy sleep/wake cycle. I began with setting myself a time to be in bed and another time by which I'll switch out the light; I figured that being in bed by 10.30pm and switching out the light before midnight will help me get up in the morning.

The next thing to do is to set a time by which to get up. The setting is easy. I decided on getting up at 0730. I'm struggling with sticking to this, even when I have slept well. I'm very good at creating reasons for procrastinating. This is the point of having a set time: it is a question of discipline. I know that discipline and structure can help people get through tough times. I often don't get up because I can't think what to do next. I've solved this by telling myself that if I cannot think of what to do, then I must go out for a walk for 20-30 minutes. I have extended this programming, so that after a walk I then eat and drink something 8-8.30am. This structure is starting to work for me: it gets me up, it gets me active, it helps me address nutrition and hydration early in the day, and it is improving my sleep-wake cycle and my mood. (And I do not return to bed until it is for the night. This is the discipline.)

The goal is to do this for 3 weeks straight. I think this is a good amount of time to set a new habit. I haven't yet achieved it. Every time I experience a setback, I start the 3 week clock again. Every day is a new beginning.

I hope you can find something of this helpful to get you moving forwards to a you that feels healthier.

[NatureLover]

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@Shine32 wrote:

after 8 years in the same workplace new owners purchased the business and I didn't like they way they conducted business and left 

my son was also diagnosed with a disability 

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@Shine32  they are big changes. Do you maybe have depression in your family history as well?

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@Shine32 wrote:

it's like my mind has just stopped working 

I've done a complete 360 I used to love people and socialising and now I refuse to see anyone or do anything 

---

Sounds like depression, yes. It seems that you're really struggling to accept it, though... I know it's a pretty devastating illness. 😞 But it can happen to anyone, sadly. 

[Lostandalone]

@Skewd Welcome to the forums

That is done wonderful advice💕💕 thank you for sharing 

@Shine32 hang in there my friend.... I am here with you holding your hand on this journey.. apologies if I squeeze it too tight... I am scared too and I want us to be safe 

[Georgie01]

Hi Shine32,

I am Georgie... This is my first time here to... I actually felt really alone and just wanted to find somewhere I can put this energy. But what is it all about. Then I read your post. 

Thank you. I feel like no one understands what I am going thorugh!! 

I to have had CT scans, Blood Tests, changed my diet, taking pills and I feel absolutely exhausted... 

My life is what it is. I am finally after a long time in a good space and I am still dealing with my mental health. 

I am so so tired. I have headaches and my body feels completely drained of anything. Dizzy and nauseus to. I just can't believe all the tests come back clear... My head can't possibly be doing this to me... WHY!!!! 

after months, months I realize for me it is depression. I have no desires, no motivation. My home is soo messy, which goes against my living style. I have a load of washing in my laundry I have washed three times, still waiting to be hung out... 

Sorry I am going on. 

I just wanted to say Thank You. I am running rough at the moment and slipping through the cracks of our health system. 

To well to be eligible for help, to poor to pay for it. 

I need help though. 

Cheers

And I hope it gets better some how. 

[Iris]

hi @Georgie01 welcome to the forums. Sometimes the start up can seem a bit slow but please persevere as members log on and off at different times. There are some good links for you to look at and other threads that might be relevant to your particular situation, anyway just have a browse around.

Good on you for linking in with us and I wish you well 

[Bondy13]

Omg I have be going through depression for 6 months and I do know why but all my outcomes look like worse depression I feel for you hang in there