Paranoia (trigger warning I think is necessary)

[Jamie9696]

I have diagnosed OCD and over the years my wife has talked of her own paranoia through past trauma and events ect. I’m trying to help her by explaining by my compulsions and how when they go unchecked I “alleviate” them by fulfilling the urge by touching items a certain amount of times and so on. I know I shouldn’t give in to my counting ect but until I get therapy properly it just is what it is and it’s harmless in the sense that it there and then done. But my wife has compulsive thoughts that she can’t help but obsessive over and it’s always about thoughts of too much hugging or too much affection for my younger sister even when I’ve explained about me setting boundaries that are healthy or explaining that maybe these are just internal thoughts that she needs help with process with a mental health professional. My younger sister also went through a sexual assault with a relative that was older so this is a major fear for her, her younger sister had also experienced a situation but not as similar. This and break ins specifically even though are worst obsessive thoughts. I’m assuming because she’s been close to it like I have so she has thoughts that if someone close to us can do that then anyone can. I’ve tried to explain that it’s traumatised me too but I don’t want to say things that may further encourage her obsessive thoughts or just make the situation worse in general. I want to help her but don’t know how to and everyone I’ve tried to set healthy boundaries or talk her through it, it just makes it worse because she says things like that’s what someone who is hiding something etc would say or anything to further confirm her suspicions. I don’t know what to say or how to help but it gets me upset or worsens my own ocd so any help would be appreciated

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Jamie9696 and welcome to the SANE forums

This is an incredibly difficult situation to be in, and I'm not sure that I have a clear answer for you regarding what to do to help your wife with these thoughts. 

It would be very upsetting to hear these suspicions, especially given your sister's previous traumatic experience, and it would be hurtful to not be believed.

Has she been receptive at all to the idea of speaking to someone about her concerns and obsessive thoughts, as you've described them? Do you currently have supports who you've been able to speak to about this?

[DownMoreThanUp]

@Jamie9696  Yes i hear you a difficult situation not easily solved.i had the same issues with my wife not understanding what i was saying about myself and how my mind worked.

In the end, because my wife who also had real problems understanding me when unwell, she went searching online for answers, and found some really informative youtube videos are available on subjects like O.C.D, symprtoms as well as Schizophrenia, depression and how to understand and learn to  deal with trauma memories and fears, or someone with those kind of issues. 

We have grown a lot closer since she found people who gave her the insights she needed to understand how to deal with me better, and where she had not been able to before, and why this had been so.

See if you can find something useful to help you with your particular problem with the search link below.

P.T.S.D related mental issues.

Misunderstood emotions about ourselves when we suffer from (C.)P.T.S.D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVgtfwSvFRo