Lived Experience Forum

[mks]

First time visitor to the PANDA website, and first time user of any forum!!

I am 29 years old, and currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for about 10 years, was on medication but about 12 months ago I stopped taking medication as seeing a psychologist and regular exercise and better lifestyle choices assisted me in generally feeling much more positive about life.

Knowing my history I have already flagged antenatal depression and anxiety and depression with my psychologist, and up until now I have been coping quite well.

The problems I am now facing is that I don't think my partner is coping with my erratic mood changes and loss of sex drive. I have completely lost my sex drive (this was never a problem before falling pregnant), I am getting pretty angry suddenly and crying for no reason. My pregnancy is completely healthy but I constantly worry that something is now right with the baby. My heart races and it feels like my heart is not in a normal rhythm. I sleep more than usual and my appetitie has dropped in the last week.

I don't feel loved or admired by my partner because of my physical and emotional changes in my body, and now I question what kind of mother I will be considering I am not coping with pregnancy the way any woman should. I don't like my thoughts, I don't like my body and it is affecting my relationship. Also my previous methods of dealing with depression and anxiety (regular physical exercise etc) is not appropriate and I am waiting for pregnancy pilates to commence in my home town.

My current partner has a child with an ex partner. The child is 3 years old and is wonderful. The relationship with the ex partner is however, not wonderful. I am already stressing and worrying about a time when the ex partner is going to make my current partner choose between the two children and it is not fair. I fear that he will choose his first child out of fear for losing the child altogheter. This afternoon I have a doctors appointment (which has been booked for 4 weeks and on a day I knew we wouldn't have his first child). In the past couple of days the ex partner has already changed dates, and we now have the first child today. My partner has chosen to take his first child to tennis lessons and ditch my doctors appointment. This doesn't help with my feelings of me and my child being abandoned. My current partner is in fact fabulous and a fantastic father, and I know the thoughts I am having is irrational, but I can't stop them.

I am seeing my psychologist in a couple of weeks but just wanted other peopls thoughts and experinces with seperated families, step children, ex wives, perinatal depression and anxiety etc.

[Squirrel]

Welcome to the SANE forums, @mks, I'm so glad that you have decided to reach out and share some of your story. 

I think the support and advice of those with lived experience here on the forums will be most beneficial, but I'd also like to encourage you to call PANDA.

PANDA is the national perinatal anxiety and depression support service, and supports lots of mums in the antenatal period on the phone. PANDA staff can provide supportive counselling, as well as assistance to link in with the best services nearby to you, and advocacy with the other health professionals in your life. 

PANDA staff would love to speak with you, if you feel it would be helpful, and they can be reached by calling 1300 726 306 (Mondays to Friday, 10am - 5pm). 

Thanks again for sharing with us all, @mks. It is a brave and important step, and helps others feel they can share too.

[Rockpool]

Hi @mks,

I would also like to welcome you to the SANE Forums

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us about your current situation.

It is great to hear that you were in a place where you were feeling positive about life and regularly engaging in things that assisted with depression and anxiety. It is also great to hear that your pregnancy is going well and is healthy.  It sounds as though perhaps you have been experiencing some emotional changes that can often be associated with the hormone changes experienced in pregnancy. This may be something you would like to speak with your doctor about if it is concerning you. sometimes its can be nice to have the confirmation that these changes are a normal part of pregnancy, even though they can be hard to ride out at times.

There are alot of changes that occur with pregnancy, with changes in your body being the most apparent as you change to accommodate your baby.  Women cope with these changes in many different ways and adjusting to the body changes can be hard. I guarantee that there have been many women who have had similar thoughts about not liking their body and the impact it has on the relationship. You are not alone in this and this does not mean that you will be a bad mother.  Have you been able to speak with your partner about the way you feel about your body?  I can understand not wanting to talk about it or draw attention to it, but perhaps getting your partner's input here could be helpful.

I can hear from your post that you have been feeling anxious about a time when your partner may have to choose between you and your baby and his daughter from a previous relationship. Having these thoughts would be incredibly worrying, however it is good that you can also recognise that these thoughts may not be rational. It doesn't sound as though there is any evidence of your husband being put in a situation where he would have to make this choice at this stage and you have also been able to reflect that he is a fabulous father, which also doesn't sound consistent with abandoning a baby. Dos your partner know of your concerns and feelings of abandonment? It does sound like your worries here are around abandonment concerns which you will be able to speak with your psychologist about in a couple of weeks.

I understand that some of your coping strategies such as exercise are not possible for you right now. How have you been managing to cope with this? I hope you will find the forums helpful and as @Squirrel mentioned you can contact PANDA for some over the phone counselling support, which can be really helpful.

How did you appointment go last week?

i hope you are doing well and look forward to speaking with you soon