Lived Experience Forum

[MakeupRose]

Hi, 

Im new here but just looking for a helping hand as i don’t have many friends to help me out. 

I recently broke my partner’s trust by talking to my ex behind his back. 

I was hanging out with a new friend and had only just gotten off my anxiety medication so my head was a little messy. 

We had been fighting because i was angry all the time for no reason. 

This is all completely my fault and i see that. I’ve betrayed his trust a few times doing the same thing when times get rough. I break down and run away to something easy. My ex would abuse me emotionally for 2 years through out high school. I think i run back because i feel as though it’s what i deserve. But i’ve been appreciating myself more recently and i know i don’t need him. 

I deserve my current partner who i’ve known for 7 years. He’s never once yelled at me or touched me badly. He’s a family oriented guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly unless it was to protect his family. 

I grew up without my father and my mum passed away when i was a young teenager so obviously this has made my wall strong and i don’t let people in. i tend to hurt people before they hurt me but i want to fix this.

Due to my actions, he wants to cut things off. Understandably. 

But it’s made me realise what my actions come with and i’m really hoping to fix my toxic habits. 

I just need advice on what to do. I’m really struggling mentally which he doesn’t want a bar of. He cares for me but wants space to think about what he wants now. I struggle with giving space when my anxiety and depression peeks.

Hopefully someone can help.. 

[tyme]

I can imagine how hurt both sides are at this point @MakeupRose .

I'm sorry to hear about what has happened. It is good to see you use this time to focus on your own mental health and wellbeing as that is paramount in any relationship. I recognise you said that your partner doesn't want a bar of you. Is that while he is thinking about what he wants to do, or is it that he's broken off the relationship altogether?

Would he be open to you talking to him about what's happened, and letting him know you are seeking  help?

[MakeupRose]

Thanks so much for replying. 

We’re both so hurt for different reasons so it’s hard to communicate. 

We’ve spoken a lot about what i did. He spoke a lot about how it was cheating and that if you truly love someone you wouldn’t go to someone else. which is completely valid.. We were arguing a lot so i just ran away and im not sure how to fix it. We are still speaking but he isn’t sure if he wants the relationship to continue and it’s really upsetting me. I see my future with this person, that’s why i want to seek help so it doesn’t happen again 

[tyme]

Maybe giving you and him some space for a bit will be helpful for now @MakeupRose . As for 'help', have you ever done any work with a specialist to work on some of the trauma you have experienced in the past? This may be a good place to start if you are up for it.

[MakeupRose]

I always believed that space doesn’t help as much and you have to work through things together but i guess i have to.. we were meant to go on a holiday next week that’s why im torn.

And yes i’ve spoken to my doctor about it but haven’t found someone yet

[tyme]

You're right in many aspects that 'space' is not necessarily helpful. It sounds like you have been trying to work things out so hopefully 'space' will allow both sides to think about and contemplate what was discussed. @MakeupRose 

You really do have a lot of insight into your situation.

Also, I've sent you an email if you can have a quick look and respond.

[MakeupRose]

i just don’t want space to tear us apart that’s all.. 

i want therapy i just don’t know where to start.. 

i can’t find the email sorry

[tyme]

You may want to have a look at SANE's Guided Service. https://www.sane.org/referral?id=15#registering-myself Your eligibility is dependent on your postcode.

During the week, you may want to speak to our lovely counsellors on 1800 187 263. They are available 10am-8pm (AEDT) Mon-Fri @MakeupRose 

Sometimes, talking to someone can bring more insight into a situation.

[MakeupRose]

is there any way of talking via chat?

[tyme]

Hey @MakeupRose ,

At this stage, the Guided Service is via phone. We are looking into other ways, but for now we don't have chat. Sorry about that. 

I believe lifeline have a chat service and maybe Griefline.