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Community Elder

Hello all .. just introducing myself.

 
51 REPLIES 51

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

Welcome to the SANE forums Appleblossom......

Thank you for sharing your story on the forums. You have experienced many changes in your life, yet you sound like a strong / resilient person. 

The forums are a safe place to share your stories, your ups and downs and experiences. 

Please take the time to read the other stories and share in the stories.

 

We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

NickyNoo

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

Hi @Appleblossom

A big warm welcome to the SANE forums!

Thank you for sharing your experience with us, as it’s often not an easy thing to do.

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your brother and sister. It sounds like you were an amazing support for them both and it’s great that they had you to turn to for support.

Caring for loved ones can feel like a struggle at times, particularly if there are times of crisis involved. You have great insight into your experience and it is great that you don’t want to ignore these feelings and pretend that it never happened. As you may have already experienced, the more we try to push feelings aside, the more we are aware of them and the feeling often becomes stronger.

It is very difficult when we lose loved ones and other members of our family aren’t supportive when we need it the most. It is great that you try to focus on positive things in life but at the same time do not want to sweep these issues under the carpet, balance is often key.

There is another thread started by @His_Sister about support forums for families of suicide that you may like to read, or @Alessandra1992 and @Simon011 may have some helpful strategies which they so generously shared with His_sister


It’s great that you have shared your experience with us and look forward to seeing you around the forums.

Take care,

Rockpool.

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

Thank you NikNik and Rockpool. I will look at links suggested.

So many typos in my post. I was up all night lookin at the site.

I have decided to post in both the Carer and Lived experience parts of the forum.

I am tired.  I have been trying to deal with the stigma socially, but feel doomed if I mention suicide or mental illness and doomed if I dont, as someone will tut tut about family secrests or hubris. 

I had thought I had found somewhere to belong with my truth and my family's truth and finally relax in a church choir, but because some of the aetiology of my father's mental illness seems to be related to his "rape" in RC children's home .. things have been very tricky re mixed loyalties and the current Royal Commission.  So I have had a few clashes with people in the choir that I really did not want to have .. but i cannot let 3 premature deaths be casually glossed over.

I have withdrawn a little from that choir but feel sad about missing the good and calming parts of some friends and being in a beautiful music liturgy.

According to my ward file both parents were schizophrenic, so we kids had to walk very carefully.  Re diagnosis of our generation only my sister got that diagnosis. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and my brother was diagnosed with personality disorder.

I am a little unconvinced about the "its genetic" argument as we should have all just developed the same disorder if that was true.

 

I have found it difficult to come off antidepressants.

 

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

Dear @Appleblossom

How are you tonight? 

 

Thankyou for writing, i am impressed with your insight into your story.

 

I must write this that you come across as clever and hope very much to read more of you. 

Hello to you, from @justanother47yr

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

@PeppiPatty

 

Thanks for the compliment.  My dad took me to Museums and the Library when I came out of the orphanages.  Ten years ago I found out that he went to Melbourne Uni as he had been in homes all his life he must have worked at it.

I think we are all smart.

I did not become aware that dad had a schizophrenia diagnosis til I was 20.  I was 11 when he died so it did not effect our relationship. My brother and I went to the Repat and had a session each looking at his old file. It has been a huge journey both academic and personal since then. I have managed to reconstruct dad's story in a manner that humanises rather than pathologises him. He suffered enough in his short life.

I did not become aware that mum had same diagnosis til I was 30 and went to Human Services to look at my own personal wardship file from whe I was 6.  That became a trickier situation.  She struggled to life herself out her confusion and mental pain but was also in a lot of denial.

The lack of awareness about their MI in some ways was good in that my adolescence was not marred by the stigma of that cloud.  I experienced much neglect and negative consequences that indicate that both of their abilities to function was compromised. But I always loved and respected them and their memories as best I could. I did not dismiss or reject them as unworthy, but I had to stand on my 2 feet very early.

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

@PeppiPatty

Give Arlo a pat for me. I have not had many dogs but loved other people's dogs.  Especially a lab called Blondie and a blue heeler called Jessie.

 

These days I am giving myself permission to be up at night .. whatever my system needs .. if I carash during the day thats ok too.  I gave myself hell for sleeping issues for too long.  It is what it is. I am sick of wasting time forcing myself to lie in bed.

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

Hi Appleblossom and welcome. What a lovely name!

I can relate to some of the things you have mentioned. I have suffered lots of anxiety myself for many years and have been on antidepressants for 15 years, but over the last 4 years I've been decreasing my dose very gradually and feel I will eventually come off completely. I also have sung in church choirs, and LOVE to be part of a beautiful music liturgy, there's nothing quite so inspiring and refreshing. I am a church-goer and sometimes feel very close to other members, but it's definitely not easy. I have never felt completely at home as I'd like to. I can imagine that the illnesses and suicides of family members would complicate that picture even more. I wish you all the best with managing that.

My sister has had chronic severe mental illness for 18 years, I'm not sure what it is but I suspect Bipolar Disorder, especially since my son also has that.

 

Best wishes, Louise

 

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

@Louise

 

Love the blue piano

 

I have been on antidepressants for nearly 15 years too.  Every time I try to come off my tears and suicidality returns, but I am on low dose and only taking one alternate days.  In many ways life is far more comfortable and secure now compared to when I was young.  So I work on my self-talk and plan positive activities for me now .. not the kids! I would not want anyone to go throughwhat I went through. 

 

I helped my ex husband come off his anti-psychotics and he stayed off medication since around 1990.  I went on meds to protect my son from my feelings but now he is older.  Does that mean he is cured.  The CAT team told me that people are not cured .. its seems there are lots of "grey areas"  and disputes in the field of MI.

 

 

 

 

Re: Hello all .. just introducing myself.

@Louise and @Appleblossom and @Jacques,

How aRe you both this morning?

I drove to my ex husbands this morning for a coffee. Im near the centre of Perth, a out half an nour drive from where i live. Its lovely and sunny.

 

Hope your having a nice morning,

ja47YR


@Appleblossom wrote:

@PeppiPatty

Give Arlo a pat for me. I have not had many dogs but loved other people's dogs.  Especially a lab called Blondie and a blue heeler called Jessie.

 

These days I am giving myself permission to be up at night .. whatever my system needs .. if I carash during the day thats ok too.  I gave myself hell for sleeping issues for too long.  It is what it is. I am sick of wasting time forcing myself to lie in bed.


 

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