Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay @outlander @Zoe7 

Thanks for your messages - 

I went to sleep in my chair in front of the TV again last night and I think I slept better - and physically I feel a bit better today - bad morning though - and I want to run my own life but little things seem like - wow - enough is enough - I am over so many things people want, expect, need, demand - as if the world is made up of people demanding I do something straight away and as I try I am confounded by wait-and-hurry-up and I don't want to explain - 

I am really tired - and I do feel real anger against any efforts to take my independence - I will hang onto that fiercely - it's too long a story to tell but I would rather be alone at home

It's only a feeling and feelings are valid but not sound - which means that I am allowed to feel what I feel but it's not always the truth

After months of it and everyone feels the same way about it the lock down is really getting to me. It's strange that I have recorded movies on TV before the coronavirus hit and life and the advertising have people walking around doing whatever and this has been taken away from us

I know the lock-down is necessary but to me it seems 

The pain in my soul is different - hopefully I will have the procedure and the pain will pass - spring will come - the days are already getting longer and this morning the starry sky was full of planets - it was beautiful. The crescent moon was there in the east too.it will pass and the spring will come - and the coronavirus still has to runs it's course and I hope I can have the procedure in two weeks - 

To me - although it's necessary - the lock-down is harsh - and going into stage four - unreasonable - those who break the restrictions will most like go on doing it and the rest of us will continue to comply - and it's okay to be angry - 

Ah - that medication is starting to work - I should settle down

It's okay - I will always be okay - 

Thanks

Dec

[Zoe7]

It is okay to be angry @Owlunar It is those that have not complied previously that have caused this outbreak now and those that have done the right thing are suffering as a consequence ...and that is more than frustrating  We are so lucky here in Tassie that everything was shutdown quickly and it has stopped any further transmission. We also had very few cases of community transition so very lucky indeed - the advantages of living on an island 👍

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar 

I was thinking of you today. ❤️
I am hating this lockdown too. And if stage 4 happens it will be worse. We have had a lot of holiday people down in weekends. The freeways are so busy it's crazy. 

[Owlunar]

hanks @Zoe7 

I am glad I don't have the feeling I need to be Little Miss Sweetness and LIght all the time - being who I really am gives me the ability to endure the tough spots and also - when necessary I can let my demon out to let it know my displeasure - that's been happening a lot lately

I actually swore at the physiotherapist on Monday and yelled at one of the nurses, cried like a spoilt brat because it took hours to get out of the hospital when I had to get home for one of my helpers Today - bad day - I had several phonecalls from the pain clinic about the procedure I am having in a couple of weeks - all about that - and I had them yesterday - and I can't understand the woman's accent and no way can she understand what I am saying and - it goes on and I know the second last straw has fallen and I am not going to interact with anyone I can't understand until this tough period in my life is over

My daughter has a slipped disc - if it's no better on Monday she has to have scans - I know about back pain - and she managed this by having a bad coughing death

But fofr all of that - we are all allowed to express our displeasure in a reasonable way and if pushed far enough into exhaustion we can yell and cry providing we don't abuse anyone.

And yes - the food the woman prepared for me yesterday is inedible - when I use herbs I used one or two in my cooking - I think she used everyone there - I like my food to look like the plant it was yesterday. And I don't use oil or salt in my cooking. Aw - had she but asked what I would like to eat I could have told her I already had vegetables chopped for last night's meal in a plastic container

I have cried more in the last few days than I can remember - 

Dec

[Zoe7]

Oh @Owlunar So much going on and none of it really helping you - very much hearing you Hon 

I am not surprised you have cried a lot in the last few days - all that on top of the anniversary for you and I think I would be much the same. Yes things do get on top of us and our frustrations can become overwhelming and turn to anger at times. You are very much allowed to feel that Dec as well as show your displeasure at how you are being treated and/or anger for the same. Life is definitely not all sweetness and light and you do not have to pretend that it is  - allow those emotions out (as you said - as long as you are not abusive to anyone) - I am more than happy to 'listen' to you as it is just as important that we can share both the joys and the sadness - and to work through each as we can. 👍💖

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7 

I saw my doctor again late yesterday and he gave me a script for the nausea and dizzyness bur I need to get it filled  - I hope a neighboir will go to the phatmacy tomorrow 

Yes - all of this and the anniversary - too much at once - the anniversary has passed and the pressure of the grief and the PTSS has passed  but the pain is just as bad. So much for people in the pain medicine business thinking all the sorrow makes the pain worse  - pain is pain and grief is grief and neither is fun  - it's been a few years since I have had flashbacks of the traffic incident when I first tore my shoulder tendon just before my son died  but my memory loss of what happened after I swerved to avoid a Collison still leaves a ceries of forgotten events  - I will probably never remember 

I think I can laugh at the woman assauling my food supplies  - gee she used all my eggs and cheese.  - I would imagine most people would ask before they cooked something for someone else.  - I feel it's okay to feel ungrateful  - and I agree  - life has some crooked tracks and I feel I could loses my integrity if I was airways as good rumoured as I am naturally 

Thanks for understanding  - now it's 

time to take one of those wafers and charge my phone 

Dec

[Zoe7]

@Owlunar Someti.mes we do not remember things for a reason and it is often best that way - makes things a little more bearable. 

I hope your neighbour can get your script filled for you today and the nausea and dizziness subside - that on top of the pain is a lot to deal with Dec - so very much hope the meds help.

I would feel the same about someone cooking for me without asking - especislly considering my issues with what I can and cannot eat. My sister always asks when I am at her place for a meal so she can cook something I can eat - which is very thoughtful of her. Sorry this person did not do the same for you 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Zoe7 

I actually got into my own bed last night  - after a week sleeping in my chair and a week in hospital  - I had the best sleep for weeks and I am so grateful for that 

Because my doctor gave me a script for antihistamines I take for nausea I felt okay about taking one of the few I still have here but I need the prescription filled  - if I let enough time pass I hope I can ask someone to drive done to the pharmacy for me  - or maybe I cam get a taxi later 

If I needed to i would get an ambulamce and go back to hospital - I don't think that's nevessary yet

It's so thoughtfully of your sister to ask you what you would like to eat  - some of us have a variety of touchy tummies  - you certainly do  - I had a malrotated intestine found when I had a surgical investigation when I was young  - I cant seem to manage spicy or fatty food - I rarely eat socially

I can hear my neighbour working in his garage  - this would be a good time to get dressed and ask if he or his wife can help with the script 

Thanks Zoe

Dec 

[Zoe7]

I hope you managed to get your neighbour to help out in going to the chemist @Owlunar 

[Shaz51]

sorry to hear you are still in lots of pain my second mum @Owlunar 

sending you lots of hugs 

with mine i am getting more arthritis around the body caused by the toxins which are leaking into my body from the damaged kidney 

people don`t understand as they all say " i dont look sick "

Hello @Zoe7 , @outlander