Lived Experience Forum

[esprit]

hi
I read an article the other day that talked about how loneliness can be an element in so many illnesses. I'm keeping my self disconnected from people at the moment because of so much disappointment and it feels easier to cope . It's hard to trust so what do you do. I want to have a rich full life but I don't seem to be able to move through my feelings of needing to self isolation.

[Former-Member]

I feel the same with the safer to disconnect @esprit. Personally for me it hasnt been dissapointing events events but more just I don't know how to be me anymore. I feel the pressure of expectation and fear I can't live up to that. I haven't even tried to be disappointed yet 😕 One day, like you, I hope to move past it and lead a fuller life. 💜🤗

[esprit]

I know what you mean about the pressure and fear of not being able to live up to things. It's just easier to stay home. I just realise it's really just a bandaid but I guess it's ok to take time out till we get stronger.

[Former-Member]

hello @esprit

if it is only a temporary feeling just go with it.

Especially at this time of years many people find the whole scenario overwhelming expectations far too high.

sometimes we do need space from others to collect our thoughts, rest ourselves, time out from ourselves as well as others.

If it goes on for longer than a few weeks i would speak to your doctor and get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There might be a trigger that has set you back, self preservation kicks in.better to discuss with those specialised in the area.

i know i have been isolating myself since news that my older son was detained and then diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

i went into auto pilot and then after many days all a blur i just went numb.

when i am noticing my depression has worsened i am aware that i go within myself and isolate myself from the outside world as much as i can.

You mention so much disappointment perhaps it would be better for you to discuss that with a specialist.

[jobe]

Hi. I can relate to the feeling of needing to be away from other people. It can be quite triggering too. For me I find the idea of making social connection quite daunting. Like I have to find the right mask to fit in and worried that the one I have wont work. The more people seek me out the more I try and avoid it. Over the years I think some people think Im being rude - but I practice compassion for myself and realise its the best I can do in the siruation. Its also true that while it is difficult to socialise there are times when it can be very easy. So I enjoy those times when they happen. 🙂

[Zoe7]

@esprit@Former-Member@Former-Member

For many, many years I have been alone - by choice and self-preservation. There have definitely been times when being alone has not been loneliness - I have thrown myself into work and my home which have both had their rewards. I have found it is when you are forced to step back from the daily routines and distractions, and your mind has time to actually think that the loneliness does set in. Not being connected with the world when not working has certainly added to my downward slide. Am starting to make little steps in reconnecting with work but has taken a few months to be able to face it - didn't want anyone to see how I was really doing, or know how bad I had got - there is only two or three people there that even know I am having MI 'problems'. Being part of this forum this week and making some type of connections with other people (even people you don't know) has actually given ME the courage and strength to visit work once, go to the beach and visit a friend who I lost contact with years ago because I shut myself away. All really positive steps. It hasn't all been easy this week - lots down times (and really down times) but any positives are progress.

Reaching out for help and support - both here and professionally has been essential. The more support and connections you can make the more outlets you have to share, acknowledge, be heard and hopefully begin to find your way back.

[TAB]

..like a whole lifetime maybe .. what's wrong with being alone unless you dont want to be?? .. @esprit 

not going into the whole philosophy thing ..but seriously ..re expectations/conformity .. its what You are ok with .. re changing societal 'ideals' well apart from 'fixed' ones  ..think lastest update is own at least 3 houses, work out in a gym at least 2 hours a day 7 days a week, while helping to put those who don't fit in somewhere they don't want to be lol ..just so many contradictions these days, well believe what we say but if you cannot do that there is something wrong with you ...so you are seen as an 'other'.. never used to be quite so blatant

[esprit]

It's such a paradox wanting to be alone and then feeling lonely. I wonder if I felt connected valued and loved to the important people in my life I wouldn't feel the need. I've always needed time out as I seem to absorb too much but there should be a balance I guess. Mine is a situational depression I believe not chemistry. Not much I can do about it but just keep on swimming. 😀

[Former-Member]

hello @jobe

yes i can totally relate to what you are saying.

it very much depends on how you are feeling at the time and also the type of event, whether you know anyone there.

are they quiet, interesting people or just loud mouthed, self obsessed non-listeners.

i've just noticed this is in bold.

you wont believe this, although if you knew me you would, i was going to ask where do people get all those lovely little symbols from and duh have now found them.

obviously i dont know how to use it properly though laugh. no matter.

what has always been a saving grace for me - wear the mask the group mask- smile important actually can lead to a pathway opening through the crowd. some people dont like you smiling. find one or two people who look quiet and just ask them questions about themselves. you make their day and you can relax a little. i have learnt some very interesting stuff that way also been bored to death and had to eventually move, find the bathroom, look around outside. look busy, focussed. then oh dear me look at the time really must go enjoy the rest of the evening    bye..... done and dusted.

the smiling also physically releases seratonin, a good thing, you might go home with an aching jaw but you got through another one of those occasions. practice.

Content/trigger warning

Content/trigger warning

[Former-Member]

hello @Zoe7

yes spot on.

i have been doing this for a few years now.

i have found that i really enjoy my own space and sometimes my own company.

my very low self-esteem is working its way up a very steep gradient slipping at times but has moved further up the hill. I was going for long walks about 5 times a week, that stopped the day i received the news about my older son.

sometimes i force myself out and then it is easier the next time and so on.

at the moment because it has been illness after illness with different family members, death of my aunt overseas whom i was planning to see next year, my beautiful  oldest cat having to let go who is now on rainbow bridge. much stuff i am experiencing a whole range of feelings and although i am inside these walls i am releasing instead of burying my feelings. i am working on myself.

i went to a shopping centre with my husband on thursday as it wasnt that far from the hospital where he had the ct scan on his heart.

not only was it busy busy of course this time of year, there were all these stalls in the middle of the malls and decorations hanging down from the ceiling everywhere almost touching the stalls.

we kept going off in different directions arranging meetingplaces but having to phone one another because he could not see me as i was not as tall as the stalls - 5ft 4".  then it hit me - get me out of here - we were going to have a coffee and tea. he looked at me and asked  shall we go home my response yes lets get out of here. hour drive home traffic not too bad but what a relief to be home. cats were happy they get very cross when we go out.

so i am pushing myself to do a little exercise today as a start. small steps.

you sound as though you are being very kind to yourself which is what we often so easily forget when pulling ourselves back up from the quagmire.

stay safe xx