Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hi lovely people

I am OK still however I am distinctly threatened and experiencing the ordinary thing 'fragile.' I am still clinging to the parts of me that still matter - although the fingernails are breaking on the cliff top. For me I am becoming afraid, the horrible stuff from this year is still a stong part of the circus that is my mind. I have survived multiple attempts, been subjected to being 'locked up' in the degradation of acute MH so called care, informed of a dreadful diagnosis BPD, MD and Anxiety and somehow sat through a psychiatrist assessment with my husband present as requested. I am writing to endeavour to ;slow down the circus; and ease my fears.

In brief - the last session was pretty ghastly, my husband spent the time in the waiting room in the usual PA mode, incommunicado, arms crossed and distain evident on his face.

The session subsequently included an untrue accusation: I could not be trusted with medications, the husband would have to dispense same, I had ceased my AD's and therefore became actively ......S and the overall disparagement that I am simply a BPD and ETOH abuser. It is interesting to note how strongly Psychiatrists will defend each other. The Psych was referring to a note in the d/c summary - how supportively I was restarted on my meds. The reality is - with the admissions, including treatment for my - bleed out session, I recieved no meds for over a fortnight. From a 250mg dose to nothing took a toll.I had to beg for meidations not to mention toilet roll! I uphold integrity as my highest value and the accusations and dismissive approach from the Psychiatrist are indeed painful. It is horribly true when you are diagnosed as a BPD and substance abuser that stigma will ensue.

I have decided to attend again although fearful as avoidance will only increase the 'circus' festering. I have also contended with the receptionist informing me of change to an appointment that supposedly I had requested. .................WOW people can be interesting at times. I have made notes to collect my 'circus' thoughts and will do the best that I can to contend with the dreaded session on Monday. 

However.......I am still afraid. I hope that amongst all who may read this some support and ideas to care for me will be provided.

Lotsa luv

Bast

[Former-Member]

Oh @Bast i can identify with much of what you have written. I have had the right to medications that would help being taken away. I am still on antidepressants which help me but my psychiatrist wants to take them away too. I have a very similar diagnosis to you but no husband to contend with through this. Like you things have followed me through psychiatric notes being passed around some of which are not true. I have a huge distrust of psychiatrists but am required to see one. I have just got through my first year without hospitalisation from one of the self harm things you describe. It has not been easy and as I write this the thoughts of it are running through my head. 

Im sorry I can't help you much except to say not to fight the psychiatrist at every turn. It has been approach that hasn't worked for me in the past for obvious reasons. This year I have tried really hard to be compliant and more open with some success but I find it is my therapist who helps me the most. The only person allowed to prescribe medication for me is the psychiatrist so I have to see him or have no medication at all. I hope this helps. I'm so sorry you have such a hellish time. Hopefully you will endure and find a way to get through this. Wishing you all the best of luck. 💜🤗

[Heart]

Hello @Bast & @Former-Member, Understand where you are both coming from in the form of psychiatrists. Until now I thought it was just me not happy with them. Thank you both for opening my eyes a little wider. Yes I have much more success with my counsellor. But understand that you have to see psychiatrists for meds.

Do psychiatrist not understand that the most successful treatment is a combo of meds and therapy.

Whilst I am not on meds at the moment, I am stll going the therapy.

@Bast, my husband would do the same thing, sit there with the look of 'here we go again,'. The most unpleasant feeling of all. Now, I refuss for him to joint me at an of my appointments, be it dr of just a hair cut. Do you have anyone else that could take you to your appointments that you would feel more comfortable having there.

@Former-Member, Well done for not being hospitalised for 12 months, great achievment.

@Bast, Keep in touch with us.

Wishing you both well:)

[Bast]

Hi @Heart and @Former-Member

So many thank yous for your understanding replies. It is the essence of help to actually be heard and to know others have also struggled with similar. I am extremely grateful to now know it is not just me - and because I am such a reject. I will certainly take your advice regarding no conflict, no behaviours that will leave me open to interpretation and ..........the dreadful potential consequences. I really feel for you Teej and I want you to know that your loss of personal empowerment and rights are utterly horrific. The power that the Psychiatric profession continues to hold is completely sancrosanct and beyond reproach. No wonder the experience of having to attend creates out of control anxiety and terror. A significant component also for me; has been the relatively recent attempts to discuss concerns and issues with integrity and honesty. I also now fully comprehend the essential necessity of never ever involving the husband. Teej your description is a huge relief. I have fought this happening for years and it will never happen again. 

With so many thanks for your kindness, sincere understanding and support.

Lots Luv Bast

[Heart]

@Bast,So happy you sound a little more settled today. Any little advice or help that you can retrieve from anyones response, I think is a great thing about this forum. Some thing may work or appy to the situation while other may not.

I too have found the support on this forum great.

Have a great day, 

Luv Heart:)

[Ellu]

Dear Bast,

Everyone has already said what I would have said EXCEPT I don't think you can get through all this without the support of a Mental Health Professional YOU CAN TRUST. If you are having problems with your psychiarist, then change psychiatrists! I see a psychiatrist who has been both a mentor and a wonderful support to me in times of trouble. I would literally not be alive today without his support. I have been seeing him for 20 years, and although I take medication (bi-polar disorder) it has been the relationship with my psychiatrist which has kept me going.

One thing I have found useful is jotting down some of the things I want to talk about before the appointment. That means you can both focus on what is concerning you most at the time.

Please don't be prejudiced about the psychiatric profession - there are some brilliant people out there.

Ellu