Lived Experience Forum

[Quinn]

'Why are you here?' 'What do you hope to gain from being here?' 'Why is the point of you having these sessions?' Why do they think you are there? For entertainment? Because you enjoy their company so much? Or if you're paying out of pocket you just enjoy giving them money for their time?

These questions make me so mad, why do they think a person would see a counsellor or psychologist? To buy power tools? Like I'm there to get my tax done or buy a new car off them. I don't know why they need to question you like you have some other motive or reason to be there besides for mental health.

[Sahara]

Hi @Quinn,

I think I can understand your frustrations, because sometimes it feels that a counsellor is asking these questions by rote and that they aren't sincere questions at all.

I would say that yes, of course you are there for your mental health. It seems pretty obvious! But I think they want you to be more specific than that.... the problem is that by using generic questions, like the ones you quoted, they are not doing their best to extract information from you in a personable, engaging way. 

I suppose you could start out with giving generic replies like "I've been feeling depressed/stressed out/sad/hopeless/anxious" or whatever it is - you know yourself best. 

Yeah, but I understand how those questions they seem to ask come across as really unfriendly somehow. I always feel defensive when I hear those questions. 

I think a really good counsellor should give you some kind of mental health questionnaire straight up and then explain their role in helping people find a healing path. After that, they can broach the nitty-gritty.

Actually, all the counsellors I've seen have turned out to be quite good.

[Ellu]

Dear Quinn,

I recently started seeing a psychoanalyst. I anticipated just the kind of questions you are talking about, so before I went to my first appointment I wrote down a one-page summary of all the questions I wanted to address and all the things I hoped to gain from the relationship. The analyst was very receptive - we straight away got to talking about the nitty gritty and I left feeling that I had made some progress.

Perhaps you might consider writing an "agenda" for your next meeting, so you don't waste valuable time on small talk.I know what you mean, you only get a certain time and you don't want to waste it on meaningless questions. Writing out an "agenda" would also help you clarify your own thoughts in your own mind, so that you know exactly what you want to talk about. Consider it.

Ellu

[Former-Member]

Hi @Quinn

I find those questions reallly hard to answer... im not confident enough to think that anything i say will be 'right' lol.. and most of the time those questions have been asked i get so overwhelmed by the enormity of how much is wrong in my life/with me that i cant say anything either! thankfully my psychologist hasnt asked those questions in a long time, probably given up on asking them and gotten to know me...

Some people that have talked about counselling on here before though have been very specific about what they did and didnt want to get out of therapy. I think there is probably a continuum of people who are on one end like us (aghh don't ask that question, i have no idea how to answer it or whats wrong with me most of the time!) to those who go in saying i want to work on anxiety when talking to new people, i want to go on a holiday but i'm too afraid to fly... etc...

lj

[darrenhayes]

There can be so much going on in anyone's life.
My advice is get the best airline carrier, breathe and take a friend to be with you
Remember fear is can be made much bigger than the thing itself.
Write down your problems and then arrange them into order, face your fears and live again

[utopia]

Hi @Quinn & @Former-Member.
I'm one of those people that know, or believe they know what they want to gwt out of therapy. My personality is strong and open & my trauma recent. So it's probably easier for me than some people. I understand that.
I'd like to say that if you don't know or can't pinpoint what you want from therapy - that it's okay to say you don't know. Or even to be honest and say you don't like those questions. That you don't find them helpful.
I think the two most important things in therapy are:
* feeling safe & comfortable with your therapist
* being as honest as you can be
Often, as with all aspects of life, we learn what we want/need as we are traveling along. Therapy is no different.
I wish you well.

[-Rayne-]

I get why they ask those questions.... and also why it's hard to answer. 

When I worked in a community legal centre, people would come to me and maybe say, I have a fine for fare evasion which I can't pay and now I've left it so long that a warrant has been issued. OK fine but when I get to know them, I find the reason for the fine was that they're homeless and wanting a safe place to sleep (that's why they're on the train), and the reason they're homeless is that they left their partner because of violence, and the reason they didn't go to the police and a refuge when they left is that they're on their partner's visa and are afraid Immigration will find out they've left the partner and they'll be deported, and then they'll be shamed in their home country for having had a failed relationship (for example!)

So they come to see me and all of that stuff is in their head, and I'll ask them what they want help with and they'd look at me blankly, probably thinking something like *my whole life*.

And really, once I know all of that above, I can help them with all of those issues, but I still need to ask and get their permission to help them with each, one by one, because it's their life, and their legal issues, and I'm working for them, not being 'saviour of the world'. As much as I might want to, I can't go barging in and 'fixing' things that *I* think are problems, without them asking me to. That would be disrespectful and unethical. 

I think it's basically the same with MH professionals. 

But I also totally get how hard it is to think of and then articulate what you want. I just want to be ok. What does ok mean? Well, not like I am now.. blech

I think maybe it helps if you know that you don't need to perfectly articulate everything right off the bat. It's okay to say something now and then add to it later, or even change it totally. it's not a test 🙂

[Former-Member]

hello @-Rayne-

great response.

i imagine there would be fear as well, they might not be familiar with the laws here.

They might have other family members whom they need to protect.

They might find it hard to trust again because as you said they are homeless.

they might just be drained, tired, exhausted, scared, hungry any number of reasons. You dont know their story. you cant guess the dreadful experiences they might have incurred.

At least you have the insight to ask questions in a sensitive manner and let them answer in their own way, safe for them. they might not tell you everything. you can help them with what they are willing to reveal.

[Former-Member]

hello @darrenhayes

Your response tells me that you are very brave.

what you said makes perfect sense to me.

Fear often is bigger than whatever started it.

Break it down into smaller pieces and tackle each piece as you are able to even going back to it later if you have to.

[Former-Member]

hello @Quinn

I actually think psychologists tend to use them more than psychiatrists.

I think if you are on a 12 month plan or 6 month plan with so many free sessions they are required to fill in the gaps for their funding.

As you say the questions are very generic and generally if you keep seeing the professional you will find that they work more on how you are feeling at the present moment.

They generally work with the cognitive therapy principal as well.

yes they seem stupid and when in need of help the last thing you want to be answering. just brief responses should suffice.