Lived Experience Forum

[Passaggressive]

id like to do a poll

 Do couples fight and then break up ?

or

do couples break up and then fight?

[Fancy_Pants]

hi @Passaggressive

I am not sure that I can answer either way because in my experience couples do both...

what makes you ask?

[Appleblossom]

I agree with @Fancy_Pants

Some level of conflict is healthy .. as nobody can agree with another ALL the time .. and repressing our true self is not healthy within marriage. its about levels and conflict resolution style .. and whether both parties want to resolve issues. If only one party does that work .. things will get very out of whack.  Hence the saying .. it takes 2 to tango.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Passaggressive,

This is an interesting question and I wonder if it reflects something you are going through currently. In my experience couples can:

1. fight/argue alot and stay together;

2. grow apart & lose closeness, shut down etc but don't really fight, then separate.

3. increase their level of conflict/fights over time and it gets so bad they decide to separate. The conflict may continue or living apart may ease things.

4. have some conflict and reasons to separate, and the conflict can escalate after separation when things like financial settlement and care of children are worked out.

5. do none of the above.

When a marriage relationship breaks down it is painful for all involved and people are not always at their best for a long time after. It's important to get supportive people around you and try to accept things rather than cause more conflict. Conflict between parents is especially hurtful to children.

Hope this helps,

Frog

[Passaggressive]

My wife and I have seperateded after 30yrs together 20 of wich we married but never had arguments or fights as she couldn't deal with it so a lot of time I spent walking on eggs shells, since seperating she has totally stonewalled me but has done spiteful hateful and criminal acts against me she put AVO out even though I've done nothing and nothing I can do about it she's driven me in to major depression anxiety panic attack Evan had phycotic events that I've experienced and it's been 6mths I worry for my kids and also my sanity

[TAB]

okay try to get some help then @Passaggressive please

[Passaggressive]

thans tab i in last 6 mouths beleive my wife is passive aggressive and has driven me nuts for 30yrs strangely i still love and care for her and think she was a good mother, im not blaming her for all faults in our relashionship i played a equal part, but last 5yrs i had major depression aneity panic attacks and with drew from freinds ect, my wife works in mental health feild and not once did she as hoow i was going even when i lied on couch for months she go of to family dinners and was hurtful that she didnt really show any empathy. we never argued or faoght as she would bac her bags if i raised my voice or called her any names in anger, which i called her a bitch 8yrs ago she said she leaving i said good then she turned into a nasty spitefull thing, eventualy i grovelled ate humble pie mainly for kids sake, she left again in june and has totaly lost plot doing every thing she can to hurt me, and im at time of breaking up i was feeling best i had for years the fog had gone i started spring cleaning and was getting out more but now im in a deeper hole than ever,, i think not eating and not sleeping much plus all th other stuff is all contributing to my mental health, i am shaey cant wal proerly chores at home take ages i funble forget give up ect ive had councling they say for me to exercise have routine ect ect but it har when your in dar place to find door even though i no i shuld do these things i cant