The Butterfly Room- ED support

[NatureLover]

Oh @Eden1919  I'm sorry you feel so hopeless 😞

I'm also sorry that eating disorder inpatient clinics are shut down due to Covid 😞

@Bow 

@BlueBay 

@Jynx 

@Former-Member 

[Bow]

Can you reach out to your professional supports @Eden1919 ?  Sounds like it would be helpful to touch base with them and talk about how difficult things are at the moment. 

[Eden1919]

Thanks @NatureLover 

@Bow  my professional supports are the ones that keep triggering me so I don’t think talking to them will help. 

I am struggling a lot again today I have so much to do and all I can think about is the ED thoughts. 

[Bow]

I wonder if you have explained this to them @Eden1919 ? Or perhaps it may be worth seeking some new supports if you feel that they aren’t a good fit for you? 

in saying that, I think it’s a little normal perhaps to be triggered through therapy, as long as your supports are able to provide you with strategies to help you when you are triggered?
i am often triggered in therapy. Sometimes I  kinda check out and disassociate during therapy when I am badly triggered, my psychologist is good at seeing this happen and then helps bring me back. She never sends me home until I am feeling ok to leave. She has also taught me strategies to help when I am triggered at home. 
Other times I can just feel really crummy and raw…. Triggered…. I guess things that we have talked about leave me feeling like that. 

Just sharing this to reassure you that it is normal in therapy. Perhaps some of our peer workers can explain this better? Sorry. 

[Eden1919]

@Bow  half of my supports dont even realise they are triggering me and i understand that getting triggered in therapy is fairly standard but this has been done with no attempt to make sure i am ok after the therapy and as far as the other supports go they dont even really recognise that i have an eating disorder the psychiatrist for example only knows about my schizoaffective disorder but i never talk with them about food issues and dont think i ever will and my support workers who have been triggering me also mostly dont know about it some of them do and they still say offensive things but it is hard. one of my support workers who has a daughter who has an eating disorder said to me that my eating was "better" because she saw me eat a vegetable and went on to say how well i was doing. and like ok so i guess what i am doing is the right thing to do then. like just a lot of comments that people would never say to an underweight person but because i am overweight it is suddenly ok to say offensive things. 

[Bow]

Sounds really complicated @Eden1919 , for which I am really sorry. 

When i I started on my recovery journey, I found it really hard to be up front and honest with my supports. I was scared of being judged, misunderstood and basically not believed cause I didn’t look like your typical person with an eating disorder. And I guess I didn’t really understand myself, I didn’t have words for what was going on inside me. 

It took a while for me to find the right people, the people that could hold the space for me to be open and honest. To tell it like it is and not hold things back. They couldn’t read my mind as much as I wish they could. It was such a relief when I could let it all out. 

@Eden1919 Do you think your supports are the right fit for you? Or do you think that if you were a bit more open with them about what is going on for you that they would be able to provide better support for you? 

I know it’s hard, I’ve been there. And there are still times where professionals aren’t helpful, but we are all on the journey together. 

Sitting with you 💕

🎀

[BlueBay]

@Bow @Eden1919 Xxxooo

[Bow]

Hey @BlueBay  how ya travelling tonight? 

[LostAngel]

hello friends can I share some things in this space,in regards to food especially based on comments by certain family members about my eating habits ,the perception they have that I eat takeaway food everyday and that thats where there sure my money goes to ,when in actual fact I dont eat takeaway food every day,although sometimes it is more than once a week,why should anyone Judge someone elses food choices and have an opinion on what another person does or doesnt eat? this has angered and annoyed me recently to the point Ive decided to share a daily food diary online so that family can see what I do eat on a daily basis,to say that my finacial issues at times are based or linked to the food I may or may not be eating is untrue and hurtfull,it makes me feel that takeaway is a dirty word and that I have to restrict and be strict and very disiplined now when it comes to what I eat,I frankly have told them,Id much rather do without food because Im tired of hearing there opinion about my food choices ,it feels discrimitory,just cause one person can and does work fulltime and cooks home cooks their meals every night of the week,doesnt mean I have to be the same and live upto expectations of what I eat and how often and how much money I might be spending on my food that is my buisness ,sometimes advice as such can go to far and make people feel ashamed for their personal choices as if Im in the wrong on a number of life subjects and not doing things right cause of how someone else thinks that the way I may do something is wrong in their eyes,I feel bad for getting takeawy now even if its only a quick snack and not a full meal ,its a shame attached to food,Im not overweight or in any way physically sick at this point in time so why do people have high expectations about food preperation,in that case I would rather refuse certain kinds of foods from people when that food is offered to me then,call it a form of self punishent to lessen the amount of food pleasure,or enjoyment of food and instead be worried about every little amount I eat being strict with myself and food consumption

[tyme]

I hear you @LostAngel . It sounds like such a difficult space to sit in.

Sometimes, people don't realise how hurtful their comments are. Have you every tried to let them know how you feel about their comments? It will then help you gauge whether the comments are intentional or not.

I don't cook - well, hardly ever. I guess because I live on my own, and really, can't be bothered with the mess. I would like to have takeout once a week, but when I look on the food delivery apps, I spent more time browsing than eating! Nothing seems appealing.

Ultimately, friends give me food every week. Even some work colleagues. I tell them not to, but they know I live on my own, so when they cook for their families, they give me some of their extras. I feel bad that they do it, but I can't stop them! 

So, I don't think I've had takeout in a month now. I was thinking about it tonight, but then someone dropped a meal at the door...

Please don't beat yourself up over other people's comments. If I could, I'd eat out 🙂 What's wrong with indulging?

If i were you, I'd let them know how I was feeling about the comments. particularly if it is a constant battle you are facing.

Hugs, tyme.

I don't judge you for eating out.