Lived Experience Forum

[Bimby2]

Hi Faith and Hope re about Social Phobia to Bridgetjones. Suffer from this myself at times and wonder has

any forum member any hints or suggestions on how to cope with same. Have just done a big fortnight shop-

ping venture and find it difficult to make conversation with check-out operator. Like to get in and out of store

as quickly as possible but this is not enjoying the moments for social interaction. If anyone has suggestions

on how they cope would very much appreciate to hear same. Best wishes - Bimby2

[Appleblossom]

@Bimby2

Social & Shopping

In the last 5 years I have made friends with my check out chicks (aka mature and decent ladies).  This particular supermarket is small independent and just around the corner. I have been going there for 15 years. It is partly the gradual thing of them seeing me a couple of times a week over that time.  Pick a small shop and develop it over time.

I am not sure how old you are ... but these things take time.

From 20 to 50 years of age, I did not like shopping and did not feel comfortable doing it .. I was awkward and varied being too polite, too friendly, too silent  ... too exhausted and muttering and barely under my breath in shyness being unintelligible.

Even in general mall shopping my early poverty made every interaction loaded with anxiety about value I but gradually I noticed gradually that some of the salespeople are actually decent

When my panic attacks started 1995-2000... it was always in a supermarket ...but I figured out the triggers ... 2 generations of blocked access to food on both my paternal and maternal side...  am ok about shopping now.

I started actualy enjoying talking to sales people by saying I had worked in retail .. or some comment in the moment that allows for both sides of the interaction to be acknowledged...  the weather works sometimes .. whatever seems to come to your mind. Kept it short .. 5 words or so ..

practise small talk skills and let it go

I dont go to the mall much these days .. 1-2 times per year ...I still prefer op shops ... I hated clothes shopping that much that if I did buy something I bought in bulk ... I have a closet full of clothes ... dont care about fashion ..

there was a time I was so needy that if I saw somone I "knew" in the supermarket I would latch on ... no ability to self censor the amount personal revelation ...  that made them uncomfortable ... so I learned about reading body language and keeping it respectful and short .. unless the other party indicates they want a long chin wag.. and I have time to indulge

Social & General Groups & Church etc

A few people take up interests to help as Ice-breakers ... eg ukelele  bush walking

church used to be the big go-to ... but is declining ???

Come from a place of good will ... and if they cannot do the same ... DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY .. its their problem

[Bimby2]

Thank you Appleblossom your encouraging words have helped me see things in a better light. Thanks for your caring words and comments,Bimby2