@heartathome Both poems are very touching, personal and open. i resonate a lot with the words. i lived my life felt so often like you describe in the first three verses of your first poem, that the tears welled up in my eyes reading your description of going through that hell as well.
Jesus has also been visiting me a my childhood trauma and confusion, especially lately. For when we loose our child we lose ourselves of old i found out ot be true. And i certainly lost my child a child. This is sad as, for i also cried many tears for me, as my child, locked up inside, underneath all that trauma and dissociation. Yet Jesus is slowly lifting the fog and has me finding myself a traumatised child back, every day a little more He places me back into my daily reality healed instead of broken as been
i hear you when you say you have triggers when it comes to what you term Pentecostalism. For me it was Protestantism as taught by a very conservative reformed stream of thinking. i also still have many triggers, hearing any kind of theological thinking like they taught me. Though i feel more and more Jesus has me break free from the things that made my life hell believing in God, His Word, and Church in relation to myself, even as they had taught me to think of myself.
So happy to see your faith in Jesus has survived all this. God is good!
@heartathome Please do not be sorry you poem triggered me to tears. Ever since Jesus stands by me i do not mind such triggers at all. Rather i felt deeply that we share a similar inner hell with regards to our inner child, although the abuse we experienced when young has been very different.
Good to see Jesus is getting you through these times as well. Also good to see that writing poems has also been your way to describe the inner turmoil you been through. Such has the power to comfort, support and share your faith, love and hope, with all those still stuck down deep.
Be blessed.
"My child is a rebellious child. She doesn't trust much. I used to treat her with contempt. I treat her with empathy these days. 🙃"
This is the precise reason i reckon we could share notes about ourselves living these times. For now i know i'm a rebel too in my rejected child. But in the past i've been far to paranoid by the trauma lived, to even poke my head up, until Jesus raised me up. For I myself, in my other alters, would instantly scorn and hate me back into hiding again.
i have always hated myself being too scared to speak my mind, or even acknowledge my existence within self. I called myself, with much scorn and dislike, my (faithless,) weasel self.
So glad Jesus made, and is making an end to me doing this to myself all the time. i now feel that it is wrong forced on me suffering trauma, that has made me hate me gone wrong yet, Jesus loved me all good and able now.
You know what is best meeting God no good? That Jesus makes straight what is crooked , turning the 'money tables' literally upside inside my heart.
His loving truth chasing those hypocritical Pharisees/ Pharaohs/slave-drivers out of my existence with His lightening strikes 😍😍 😍 and those lovely thunders 😍😍 😍 over all of my heart.😍
So Today i rule much of my life beside Him, instead of in the dungeons i've been. No more Babylon ruling me, no more worldly education or religion dictating who i ought to be and who not. Life is great when my Freedom to be me is, no longer exiled, to living Good Life in all of my selves united in Jesus as O(o)ne to be.😀
@heartathome Thanks, you too. Was lovely sharing this morning. Much of it are very actual topics in my life right now. (Sorry @tyme i did not realise at frist you wanted that for the replies on the other poems as well)
Good vs Bad me? Such fruit i will no longer eat! Only Jesus to Dine on from now on for then i can eat, use or do anything to praise God with.
