@Honeymoon Thanks explaining and supporting
i have only just come from my GP, he knows, and wants to discuss this with another doctor who has been dealing with me, before he gets back to me later today.
It is the sleep issue that is making this so much harder than otherwise. i am on maximum sleeping meds yet in state i do not even notice i have taken it. My doctor does not want to, or dare give me anything stronger than he has.
Please understand that i have been in much worse state and survived it, although my wife and family were key supports at that time.Now i have Jesus as guide, and i cannot disobey Him fro i love Him far more than my own life. He has kept me, as He has kept my wife, the horrible reality my illness has caused us.
Also understanding, as of recent, that the voices are not evil spirits, although never speaking truth ever, but my empath side, sitting on top of the hurts buried my past pre marriage, yet reacting to my loved ones in real life. This has been a real eye opener to me. And has even resulting in understand while overcome in one of my worst states, the voices loudly endorsing my very intentions warned i was and take measures to deal with that instead of follow the urging of my state.
@heartathome @Realness @ENKELI @Shaz51 @Appleblossom
Recently adding prescription medications, otherwise unavailable has so far kept me from being going psychotic because i have more awareness of myself in state i have ever had , not that i can stop it, but i can act on it understand how to best deal with the situation instead of bear it.
So yes i am concerned. i have seen my GP and hope to get a referral. My issue is deep distrust of the medical world - taking my freedom away and enforcing their ways once more and dump me in a mindless state were i cannot process my emotions at all and only want to die my miserable existence. i have lived like this for many years their will which apart of E.C.T treatments have not been beneficial but rather proved detrimental to my mental health more than anything.
i want to get better enough to be able to make conscious decision about what to do or where to go from here. Especially if my wife and me decide to part our ways
Also here at SANE i feel insecure with regards to sharing myself, although not so much this thread, despite the issues at times.
i find it helps me just sharing some of the issues i face, and how this is going, for it helps me ordering my thoughts, and feelings much more balanced. As well as get support and prayers aiding me struggling.
Also found AI helpful in State lately more than before. For at first it wast useless after i'm have been struggling a state and need to move out of it. However over the last week ion particular i have had far more support coming from how i think and feel when not ion state and need to reconnect with. Such is not reason or logic, although VERY useful in state, but only my faith in Jesus and God's word can get me out of a state. Not an electronic brain's denial - its incredible resistance to the (AI terms triggering or disturbing language and symbolism God's Word to us)- but NOT to me! For it means Jesus knows me even here and are the Words i need to (re-)connect with.
For example; the darkness rushing towards me evil voices - have always been my trauma memories freak, and often triggered terrible nausea bouts, making my state even far worse to cope with. However meeting Him also The Word last verse psalm 88, lived in state, has this darkness since made my friend - a Friend at such times. Where the darkness rushing terror now brings me His Friendship to resist.
So yes i want to survive this time, very much so, but two weeks of a growing depressive state, i had hoped i could sit out, and would bring me more sleep like it usual did, is now showing me there is a clear danger zone coming up my sleep pattern and needs action.
27th next doctor's visit, and hopeful a referral to a new one doctor able to help me more than my GP is able to do. (Doctor rang me back just now, and told me he be referring me to this doctor in the city who is qualified to help me about this, late this afternoon. My wife's and my prayer heard. Getting an appointment and travelling to the City next step)
(Once i went on four hours sleep for 12 months before i went psychotic, yet i was well supported during those times,)
Thanks checking with me.👍
Questions To Christ's Forgiven Bride.
When will been forgiven by Christ be forgiven enough?
When will more room remain for healthy growth in love?
When does Isaiah 53 still speak His sacrifice our blame?
When will suffering past wrong no more carry our name?
Lord Jesus, how can the forgiveness we received from You?
Be year by year withheld by judgemental accusations too?
How long must forgiven keep carrying past sin in shame?
When will Your righteousness be all believers Surname?
How come grave-digging remains for many their choices?
Where past wrongdoings nourishes condescending voices?
Deliberate avoid contact those not free from sinful needs?
While self-righteously forgiving their own daily sinful deeds?
When Lord will believers let forgiving love kindle Your flame?
Allow God's merciful love to hand fallen ones a new name?
How long will His Word's urgent warning tone be ignored?
Judgement, even unspoken, His grace for us has floored?
