Lived Experience Forum

[Spring1983]

Good afternoon,

Or at least I'm trying to make it one! I've been in a bit of a spin over the past month. I've been struggling with relationships with family, friends, neighbours, members of clubs to which I belong, and now especially with my life partner. I've just been so darn prickly from a combination of mental illness flare ups and life circumstances mostly beyond my control.

Every little criticism and comment at the moment triggers the long-term shame I've been carrying from events in my life which occurred from a decade ago and back as far as my youth. In response I've been 'shame cleaning' the house. I can't seem to stop cleaning, laundering, bathing, washing my hands. I manage to sit still for periods and rest but then I see something that sets me off. Needless to say I'm challenging to live with at the moment. I know it will pass and maybe even soon. I'm also fluctuating from ravenous hunger to being off food completely in the meantime but eating well when I can. My sleep is ok and thank goodness for that.

I just got up from a nap just to rest my body and mind. I was sinking into dark thoughts so got up to write a note here instead. In a few days I will be able to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist for professional guidance. The level of emotional pain and fear I'm feeling right now makes picking up the phone seem impossible.

Thanks for reading on. I hope to receive a few encouraging words just to help keep my spirits up during these next few days. On a brighter note it's sunny and warm where I am today and the blue sky out my window is a good reason to smile!

[Hyperballad]

Hi @Spring1983, great that you’ve come here to share your experience. It has helped me when I do it.

great to hear that your sleep has been ok - that’s important to get some rest. Do you find things like breath work help at all or any other mindfulness work? I know it can be challenging at times.

being or noticing the outdoors is also good.

keep with it. I find it tough waiting for my consultations with mental health support. Definitely looking forward to my next therapy session - in between them I feel like I’m in the wild.

[BossBaby]

I can relate. Today a girl pushed in front of my daughter in the line up for the flying fox at the park. I've been struggling a lot over the past several months with people getting in my way unnecessarily and it took a lot of control to stay calm and keep smiling. But then some boys made a game out of getting out of her way when she got her turn, sort of playing chicken with the flying fox. It was healing to watch and I wish I could thank them for defusing the moment. So thank you to all those people who make games out of undoing harm done, what next-level brilliance. I'm relying on this to keep my spirits up too and I even have it on video to watch in case I get stuck focusing on the people who push in. I hope you witness some next-level brilliance to get you through where you get stuck.

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @BossBaby .

[Spring1983]

Hi @Hyperballad, thank you so much for your kind response. I have practiced breath work and mindfulness. Just sometimes I forget to breathe I suppose. Remembering is a real help so your comments are most appreciated. Hope you are feeling less and less in the wild over time. Or maybe finding peace there? Either way I hope your struggle eases over time as well.

[Spring1983]

Hi @BossBaby, thanks for sharing. What a super outcome for your daughter and kudos for keeping your cool. I will take your advice to embrace the calm and remember to be on the lookout for everyday heroes. I know they're among us! I'm open now to seeing whatever it is that might help me through feeling stuck and your kind words count toward that. Thanks for taking the time to share.

[Spring1983]

Thanks @Sand

[Spring1983]

Thanks @SkyKing

[tyme]

Strive for progress and not perfection @Spring1983  🙂 They are my words for today. What about you?

Hi @BossBaby @Hyperballad 

[Hyperballad]

@tyme It’s been a busy week at work to distract ne from everything. Also after a weekend of stressing about something about work it ended up being fine and a reminder that the problem isn’t me but systems. Also being assertive about a few things at work and catching up with some former colleagues who love me have all made me feel much more at ease so far. And now closer to my ne t therapy session 🙂

hope all is well