Lived Experience Forum

[PocketRocket88]

T.W: Suicidal ideation, Self Harm + possible Attempt

I've been fighting this thing in my head and the urge to harm myself these past few days., and each day the urge builds up and I feel that I'm nearly at the point of caving into harming myself because the reeling/urge is now making me feel  uncomfortable inside., in past when I get to this point, I almost always do it just to relieve and reset my brain.,

nothing has triggered any of these thoughts and urge, it just seem to come and go., I honestly believe that I don't have anything in my life that I can be proud of and that nothing in my life is worth fighting for., My life is empty and full of bad decisions that now I am having trouble getting my life better., I have the problem of addiction with meth and gambling which was a result of that bad decision I made years ago, then to top it off I've been unemployed for 2yrs now and has been receiving Centrelink benefit ever since.,

The worst part of it is that a month or so ago, I got really close in dying by learning + actually tried a new way of taking my own life while I was a patient in a psych ward., Now knowing that it almost worked, It has now been my go to thing when I'm feeling this low., the only thing is that whenever I try to do it again, someone always finds me early enough to harm myself., But now being home and living alone makes it a perfect situation to do it coz no one will know or no one will be able to help me in time., 

Long story short, I'm a burden to my family because all I give them is problems and disappointment, so I think that once I'm gone they will be better, probably sad for awhile after I'm gone but they'll eventually be alright.,

[destructive]

Hi @PocketRocket88 

Very sorry you're feeling this way. I know how hard it can be to feel so alone and hopeless. There is a chat thing you can access through the site here if you need to speak to someone but if your safety is at risk you can call lifeline on 000. I'm sure a mod will post more details soon.

The fact that you've posted here tell me there is a part of you (no matter how small) that wants to keep going. I know it can be exhausting. Sometimes when we feel so low our thoughts tell us we have no one and nothing and/or that others will be better off without us but that is the illness talking. Convincing us we aren't worthy. You ARE worthy. I hope you can connect with someone tonight and find some relief without hurting yourself. 

[Jynx]

Hey @PocketRocket88  - I'm so sorry that you're going through this at the moment. I'm going to flick you an email to check in, please keep an eye out for it. 

[Elsa]

Pocket Rocket you are not a burden. You are not a disappointment. These are such strong thoughts and urges. Is there another way you can " relieve and reset your brain" 

? maybe other members can think of ideas ? something that is a circuit breaker to your thoughts. 

[Maggie]

@PocketRocket88  I’m glad you have reached out here. I hope the email has been helpful.

You didn’t mention anything about professional help. Are you seeing a psych or counsellor.  ?? These are situations we cannot get through alone. 

Honestly, your family would not be better off without you. I know things are tough, but please get the help you deserve. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone.