Looking after ourselves
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20-05-2019 09:16 PM
20-05-2019 09:16 PM
Re: Just checking in.
@TeejI remember about your breast reduction - I can't remember about having your ovary removed though. How long have you been on the public wait list for breast reduction? I hope it goes well for you & you have the best recovery.
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20-05-2019 09:18 PM
20-05-2019 09:18 PM
Re: Just checking in.
I am taking meds and winding down for now.
@CheerBear I have a fear that I will have a strange dream like yours tonight (but obviously different). I know subconsciously I am hurting just now because he is probably in a world of pain right now. I hope you sleep without those difficult dreams.
Sweet dreams to all.💜🤗😴
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20-05-2019 09:19 PM
20-05-2019 09:19 PM
Re: Just checking in.
I hope it goes well
and you have the best recovery too @Teej 💜
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20-05-2019 09:21 PM
20-05-2019 09:21 PM
Re: Just checking in.
Thanks @oceangirl . I’ve been on the waiting list about 2.5 years I think. It may even be 3.5 years.
I hope your friends surgery goes well too.
Heading off for the night now in an attempt to find human and achieve some goals tomorrow
hugs 💜🤗
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20-05-2019 09:27 PM
20-05-2019 09:27 PM
Re: Just checking in.
Goodnight @Teej .💜
Sometimes pain is a healer Hon. Some people have never been told no, or made accountable for anything, so telling them no and giving them boundaries can be a kindness of sorts, despite the pain it can cause. Within himself he will know what your entitlements are, it’s just that his sense of entitlement will get in the way, I’m thinking ...... and it’s not good for people who go through life taking from others without care to not be made accountable, if that makes sense ...... we all need boundaries and a commitment to respecting others. You are holding boundaries, and respecting your sons by doing this.
Gently, gently. You’ve got this @Teej ..... 💐💕
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20-05-2019 09:36 PM - edited 20-05-2019 09:39 PM
20-05-2019 09:36 PM - edited 20-05-2019 09:39 PM
Re: Just checking in.
I hope you have a bad dream free night @Teej. I want to say something about his pain not being your responsibility but I get that it's incredibly complicated. I'll leave you with big hugs instead.
I'm also lights off-ing now too. Night (all).
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20-05-2019 10:00 PM
20-05-2019 10:00 PM
Re: Just checking in.
Night @CheerBear .....
I would have said the same thing, but didn’t, for the same sort of reason .....
Love and hugs, and I hope y’all sleep well.
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20-05-2019 10:31 PM - edited 20-05-2019 10:34 PM
20-05-2019 10:31 PM - edited 20-05-2019 10:34 PM
Re: Just checking in.
Your welcome @Teej
Fingers crossed, you get both done soon
Thanks for the well wishes for my friend
I hope you sleep well
I just had a warm shower and washed my hair
And I have chicken heating up in the oven
I can't remember what I have planned of the top of my head for tomorrow.
I know Wednesday I have surgeons appointment
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21-05-2019 08:31 AM
21-05-2019 08:31 AM
Re: Just checking in.
While I have been down here I've been thinking heaps about someone I care deeply for who is no longer around. It's a hurt that hasn't gone away and that really added to some fear I feel at times. That experience has been playing over and around in my mind lots and I feel terrible. I feel like I should have done more and I should have done what I did differently, but I also feel like my hands were tied and like it wouldn't have made a difference anyway. I feel like there is no difference I alone can make in a way. I hate all of those feelings.
Holes like the one I've been in are very layered and to me highlight the complexity of trauma. One thing isn't just one thing. It's built by years and years of 'stuff' and many past experiences of hurt, disappointment, fear, powerlessness, confusion, frustration, hopelessness... I don't know where to even start getting through it all sometimes.
I spoke with my psych about it and he sees and understands the layers. He, like others in my team, wants me to fight my way through those layers and use my experiences and my voice to stand up against some of the not great that adds layers rather than removes them. I need little encouragement to do this as it's always been a driving force for me anyway. It's why he suggested I write the submission for the royal commission which I want to do but am scared I'll throw myself in a whirlpool of messy memories. Tricky.
I had a bit of a lightbulb moment this morning and think my way out of this current hole is to see it as a little hole in a huge field of holes. Using my energy to get out of a little hole that I can't get out of on my own is useless and maybe I will be better off making my way around the hole and up through another. Instead of wallowing I can put this experience behind me and into the collection of a gazillion other not so good experiences that I can use as motivation to be part of change somewhere where people will actually listen to and hear me. I can keep going from here and move on from it, but I won't forget.
This is probably a vague and strange post and apologies if it is confusing. It doesn't feel safe to speak in any other way though and I hope that it's understood as my way of seeking needed support from people who understand.
Hope there is good in the day for all ❤
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21-05-2019 09:04 AM