01-11-2019 12:30 AM
I am in the process of finding treatment for my BPD. I have had it for years but when I am single...I sorta mange okay...HOWEVER when in a relationship my BPD is goes into full swing.
I am a single mum and I've fallen in love with a man.. I have my heart set on recovery as I'm already destroying this new relationship despite how much I genuinly want him in my and my son's life. I hate what I say to him and the things I do hurting us both. It's like I cannot stop myself even knowing that what I'm doing is unreasonable and damaging.
I am desperate to do DBT but am finding it to be expensive and few services available. My GP reffered me to a psych to "get the ball rolling" but I can't even afford that and I think doing CBT is going to be a waste of time.
I'm going to call SPectrum tomorrow and see what they say. I also feel that I'm not going to be considrered "sick enough" as aside from my relationship I function quite well and aren't suicidal or anything. Years ago I went to Orygen for BPD and my life was a total chaos and even then I felt I wasn't "sick enough" for help I needed
01-11-2019 11:40 AM
Hi @Scribbles ,
Welcome to the forums.
Its frustrating how hard and expensive it is to find help for mental health. It's something a lot of us struggle with. I have Bipolar, I struggle to understand what that is exactly and I can't really help with BPD.
There was a discussion thread about BPD a few weeks ago that I thought might be of some use to you.
It's very positive that you recognise what is happening with yoru relationship and that you are trying to make changes and get help. Is your partner aware of this? It might be worth pointing out to him if you haven't already.. at least he might know its not a personal attack, but, more of a defensive thing that you struggle to control.
A quick tip for the forums is to type @ and then the persons name so they get notified of your response.. I did it above for you..
Hope to see you round, happy to 'tag' you into some of the social and craft threads if that is any help.
01-11-2019 12:18 PM
Hey @Gazza75 ,
Thanks for that link. I've just seemingly had a breakthrough in getting treatment!! There is this thing called Accessable Psychological Intervention and through a service called EACH they are going to set up DBT for me free of charge!! I've been calling and emailing everywhere hitting the wall cos of costs or lack of programs. So I'm hoping that it's not all too good to be true and this works out.
Yes I've had discussions with my partner about BPD but the way it manifests just makes me feel like I'm a walking apology and ultimatly feel like I'm using BPD as a "cop-out" for being so nasty.
Do you mean that you struggle understanding what your bipolar diagnosis means?
01-11-2019 12:59 PM
Yes I struggle with what my diagnosis means. I was in a mental health unit for a few weeks and it was never discussed. I only found out when i was discharged. I now feel I was misdiagnosed and/or given meds that didn't help and in fact made me phsyically much worse off.. now my state of mind is worse than ever.
Really glad you might have had the breakthrough
01-11-2019 01:08 PM
@Gazza75 I'm really sorry to hear that you had that experience. I had an experience once where I was kept in hospital against my will and physically restrained. It sent me insane and totally overshadowed my initial issue (which wasn't even that bad). It sounds as though this has been recent for you?
01-11-2019 01:20 PM
@Scribbles, thanks, your situation sounds worse than what I went through.
I was admitted against my will and I wasn't prepared for it.
It happened over a year ago, but, I've only just stopped taking meds.
I've never really been depressed before, but, fairly sure I am now. I definitely needed help at the time, i'm not denying that.. I was manic from lack of sleep/worrying about things. The side effects have really effected Me and it was not really discussed. It's hard to feel like my life hasn't been ruined.
01-11-2019 01:27 PM
@Gazza75 It probably isn't fair to assume who had a better/worse experience. It does sound like there is a lot of incompetent staff working with mental health patients who simply do not know what to do?
Do you have a support network?
01-11-2019 01:47 PM
@Scribbles, No I don't.. My main support has been my brother, but, he's very distant now.. I'm still trying to find a compotent GP.
01-11-2019 03:19 PM
It sounds like you’ve both had experiences of feeling misunderstood or inappropriately treated by mental health professionals at times and I'm sorry that you have been through this. It's great that despite these negative experiences, you're both still keen to connect with practitioners who can support you in this stage of your recovery. As you obviously know, it's so important to find practitioners that you are comfortable working with and to feel confident that they have the necessary expertise.
Maybe there will be something useful for you there?
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