Lived Experience Forum

[Kirelion]

Well, I heard about this site on the radio this afternoon and thought that I would check it out.  I guess that I have suffered from mental health issues for the majority of my life, but it has only been in the last couple of years that I have attempted to do something about it.  I am a very shy, intorverted person who feels most of the time that I am useless and worthless, but I am very good at disgsusing that in my professional life, but on a personal level, well lets just say I am the complete opposite.

I often feel that the world would be a better place if I was not here and that people would not even notice that I was not around.  But, I would also like to say that I would never hurt myself, it just overwhelming feelings that I get sometimes.  I take medication and that helps, it levels things out a bit, but still you get those niggling feelings all the time.  A recent discussion with my Dr was around the fact that more medication wont help, that maybe cognitive therapy and trying to get involved in things would help. So off to the counsellor I have gone.  I enjoy chatting to them about my issues and I can see where I may be able to improve, but I have learnt from years of experiecne that I am able to give people the answers that they want to hear, but then I do nothing about it and my routine of isolation and withdrawal continues.  I was bullied at school for being different, I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I do not know and I will be the one sitting in the corner at a gathering not talking to anyone with the look on my face saying do not come near me.  These ar things that I would love to change but are they now so ingrained into who I am that I will never be able to change.

It is very hard sometimes.  I am told that I should not sit in my bedroom alone, I am told that I need to socailsie more, I am told that I should not accept invitations from friends (which by the way is 1 friend) but then cancel at the last minute because 'something has come up', but I do it.  It seems like I am taking the easy way out, but I feel secure in my room, I like to avoid going out because I feel awkward most of the time, I think that people are always judging me and making assumptions about me, I feel that life is far to complicated.

These are only some of my issues, I have many, but like so many of us, I am just looking to chat with like minded people who understand what it is to live with mental health issues.

Have a great evening.

[pip]

Hi Kirelion. You sound similar to the way I used to be. I felt so inadequate and insecure it was easier to stay in my 'comfort zone'. When we feel insecure and unsure, 'breaking out' sounds fun, but sooo difficult. We have the best of intentions to socialize. Next time we get an invite, we're going. Then the invite and the 'decline' from us, because it's 'too hard'. One thing I have learned is everybody feels exactly the same the first time they venture out. The feeling of 'will we open our mouth to change feet?' Will we stare at somebody without saying anything. Will we even be able to talk instead of mumbling something totally unintelligible. What I would like to suggest is, try going for a walk round where you live. Do you have a dog? Try asking a neighbour if you can walk their dog if they're unable. Dogs are fantastic 'ice-breakers'. Someone will see someone with a dog and they want to pat said dog. Then they start asking questions about the dog. If you don't have a dog (and don't want one) that's okay too. If you are able to go for a short walk and you see kids playing, stop and watch for a while. Not too near and just for a moment. Kids are fascinating to watch. They argue, dummy spit, five minutes later, best friends. Learning how to socialize is just as important as socializing because once you know how to, it becomes second nature. Have you thought about joining a club where you have outings, social events. I had to learn these things to get out of my comfort zone which was emotionally crippling me.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Kirelion,

I relate to many of the issues you describe but, with bipolar, I tend to have two sides to my social reality. The one I live in most of the time is quite withdrawn from the world except on the internet. The one I live in outside the flat (when I get out of the flat), appears much more sociable but hides a lot of insecurity and anxiety that goes back to... ever since I can remember. I was a very withdrawn child and teenager, have had social anxiety for a very long time.

One thing I could suggest to you is looking into the Phams (Personal Helpers and Mentors Scheme) programs that are run through various local community organisations around Australia. I have a support worker through this scheme and it is really wonderful to have someone come and support me in efforts to engage a little more with the outside world.

I look forward to hearing more about you here on the forum as time goes by. Regardless of whether you decide to do any more to engage outside your room, you will find support on this forum if you keep posting. Kind wishes.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Kirelion

Are you finding your way around ?  Just dropped in to say hello .... 

Hope you're doing okay.  

🌷 F&H

[Zahlia]

Hi @Kirelion!

Firstly I'd like to give you a big warm welcome to the SANE forums! I hope you find some comfort in connecting with our members. 

I'm so sorry to hear that you have have a rough past, but good on you for stepping out of your comfort zone and speaking to someone. It sounds like it would be very hard when your being told to socialise and get out more, when all you want to do is stay in the protection and comfort of your own room. 

If your interested, you might like to read a few threads that others have posted, you may find some similarities in their stories. There is one here and here. 

@kell, @plasmo, @Former-Member are among others who may be able to relate to you.

Feel free to take a wander around the Forums. There's a few discussion where the forumnites hang out and chat. We are a really friendly bunch.  In particular, you might want check out: Night Shift and the Beer Garden

Looking forward to seeing you around @Kirelion

[Decadian]

Hi @Kirelion

Welcome to the website - I can see that some people have already responded to your post and given you some good ideas

A lot of people feel useless and worthless - and that the world would be a better place if they were not around - but I very much doubt that this is true - it is my belief that everyone is useful and has value and the world would go on without us - that is true of everyone - we are all here for a short time - but the world would not be better off without us - it would continue in the same old way

It's not a good idea to spend time alone unless this is a good thing for you - sometimes it is - I live alone and it can be isolating but it's okay for me - I am extraverted so when I do go out I have a good time

I think you can too - take some of those first steps suggested to you by others - and remember

You are valued - you are useful and have purpose - you are able to deal with the world in your professional life - so it's very much as case of getting out there and living that life

But take small steps first - and you will find a place - that is true

And smile - even laugh - get a clean pencil and put it between your teeth - I can tell you - this will make you laugh

Decadian

[I am glad you found us - this is a great group of people who understand]