Lived Experience Forum

[Golph]

I've been living with psychosis for almost 10 years now, and recently have managed to enter into a much more organized period in my life.  I've begun exercising self control, taking medication, and working through my intrusive thoughts and urges.  Recently, I had the first moderately severe psychotic break I've had since I got my life in order.  I became very uninhibited at a party and ended up damaging the trust in my relationship as well as my trust in my self.  I'm worried that I haven't progressed enough in my recovery to hold a healthy relationship at this point in my life, but my partner isn't listening to me when I say that.  I'm at a loss for what to do next and feel like all of the work i've been doing in my recovery has been totally non productive, but I don't see a new path to take with said recovery.

Has anyone else on here been in this situation before?  What did you do?  What should I do?

[SleepyPanda]

Hi @Golph

Welcome to the forum!

Sometimes it takes time for other members to reply to posts from new members because they are on other posts. I suggest you use the search function and find your area of interest and use the @mention function which will send an email to that member stating that you have mentioned them in a post, like the way I have mentioned you in this post. 

The forum is a nice place to share your story with other people and also to get support.

I hope you find the forum useful.

Take Care

SleepyPanda

[Appleblossom]

Dont let an episode of of indiscretion damage 10 years of getting it together.

We all struggle with impulse control.  I cannot say what will happen with your partner, but what you do have control over is to reclaim and restate your values and work on trusting yourself.

Also life is not ALL about self control either.

Personally, I have not a lot of experience, but good luck with life. @Golph

It takes courage to sort through things day by day.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Golph

Yes I have had similar experiences many years ago with what happened to you recently.  I agree with @Appleblossom - don't let a mistake and bad choices undo the previous efforts you have put into getting your life in order. Learn by the mistake, reinstate your values and avoid repeating it for any chance of sustaining a relationship based on trust - that's what I had to do. If you genuinely feel remorse - communicate this to your partner; this is doing your upmost to heal the damaged trust. When you make these efforts you can trust yourself to become stronger. We live and we learn. It's only when we don't do the latter that we need to be really concerned.

Becoming uninhibited at a party I guess included excessive alcohol and substance use. They would bring me undone every time and I had to avoid it - I lost many relationships when young due to the latter. But admittedly I was not really trying then. A different story now. Sending you care and strength in your journey to recovery.

[greenpea]

@Golph Hi Golph I am the queen of mistakes when it comes to a psychosis .... don't worry .... and I mean this sincerely when I say this life is short don't let mistakes which were brought on by psychosis rule you. Forgive yourself, move on and try very hard not to repeat the mistakes again ... and if you do repeat them because you are unwell brush yourself off and hold your head up high and try again. Love gp xx

[Queenie]

HI there @Golph, firstly well done on getting your life on track and organized. Don't feel bad about one incident of indiscretion at a party and let it throw you. Even people without mental health issues have these 'blips' in their lives (and I am calling them blips because while they toss you about mentally, they only last a short while). 

Like @greenpea has said, I too, am the Queen of mental health driven mistakes. I've lost a lot of relationships in the past due to over-reacting on what were blips. I've driven so many people away (and I still do it now). 

What I am saying here is be kind to yourself. Psychosis is a cruel beast at times. I am sorry you are having to manage your life living with it.