Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Hello @saltandpepper 

I like your name.

I spent a long time fighting daily suicidal ideation, but yes the children are a very good reason to keep going.  They also teach us about caring and when you can, turn a little of that care towards you. 

[outlander]

hey @saltandpepper I haven't read all the way through the thread yet, my apologises but I wanted to welcome you and that if you need some help please do tag me and ill do my best to help you.
I also have depression along with anxiety, BPD and PTSD so im sure I could relate to some of the things your going through.

have you have a chance to have a look around the forums?
I could tag you and introduce you to some members if that's more helpful for you..

[Lee82]

Hi @saltandpepper firstly I would like to say welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. Just like the others I want to say I am so very sorry to hear how your struggling. I am also hear to say you have come to the right place for support. I had a few really rough days recently and everyone in here have been amazing and very supportive. 
I too struggle with wanting to stay around and my 2 young boys are the reason I stay too so I think we have a few things in common. 
I think trying to find something that interests you can be really helpful. Making time to be able to give yourself some care everyday. I know it's difficult with children around but just taking an hour out of the day just for you may help. I like to colour or go for a walk with my dog. I also play the guitar and love to cook so I would try and do at least one of those things everyday just for me. 
anyway always here if you need to talk..just tag away. 

[saltandpepper]

Thank you for responding @Appleblossom I am sorry this is something you’ve had to deal withtoo

[saltandpepper]

Hey @outlander thanks for checking in. I would really appreciate being introduced to some other members, if that's not too much trouble, and only when convenient. Thank you for the offer.

And yeah, definitely seeing some similarities there perhaps with regards to daily challenges. 

[outlander]

for sure @saltandpepper ill tag you and introduce you to some members

do you have any particular interests as well? I can see if I can find some threads that might also interest you like craft threads, dogs, cats, butterflies, gardening?

yes definently share some daily challenges, the suidical idealation is such a tough one isn't it.
can I ask if you have any supports in place as well?

[saltandpepper]

Thanks for the welcome @Lee82 It's good to know that you've found support here, it's reassuring for sure. Yeah, it makes me ache reading the reason you stay is for your boys, I'm really sorry you're feeling this too, but also it feels comforting to know I'm not alone with this. Thank you for dropping in and sharing this with me, I really appreciate it.

I am perhaps not the best with self care. That's not to say I never take time for myself, I do, I get time to myself here and there. Yeah, I've got things I can do to occupy my time, things that I guess I enjoy. But at the moment, it's feeling like a pointless cycle. The self care, enjoyable activity stuff, it's only ever a temporary fix. The pain, the depression, all the other stuff, it always comes back. I'm asking myself what is the point in prolonging the inevitable? It feels like my life has been an exercise in staving off depression, and I'm at a point where I'm just so tired of it. It just doesn't feel like living. I don't feel like I'm living. Just surviving. And it's getting harder to keep going.

I'm in a shitty part of the cycle right now, and in a couple of weeks, I probably won't be feeling as bad as I am right now. It comes and goes in waves, but it's getting harder to pull through when I get into this state.

I'm sorry if this is rambly and I'm repeating myself a lot. But I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond here, it really has meant a lot. Thank you all.

[saltandpepper]

Cheers @outlander much appreciated. Uh interests, hmm, well I'm a parent, I have a son, that basically is my interests summed up. When I'm not with him I'm usually getting work done. I mean I used to read and write a lot, that's probably an interest?

Anyway, yeah, I get support from a psychologist who I see pretty regularly, but won't see him again for a little while now over Easter break. But, he's said I can call him if I ever need to, so yeah.

[outlander]

well we have a parenting thread @saltandpepper where parents chat, connect, share and ask for advice as well so ill tag you into there.

we have a writing thread as well you might be interested in. im not sure if we have a reading thread but you are most welcome to start one if you would like, im sure there are many book and reader lovers!

im glad you've got a psychologist, that is good to hear you have his support. what about a good gp to help you as well or a psychiatrist to help with medications?

you also have us here and your always welcome to connect to the sane helpline if you ever need as well

[saltandpepper]

@outlander thanks for all your help here. Chatting to other parents is always great, thanks. Well to be honest, think the ladt time I picked up a book was maybe 2 years ago? It's been a while.

Mm yeah, I'm probably due for a GP app. I haven't seen my usual doctor in about a year, year and a half? Saw a random doc one time for a mental health care plan but that's about it really. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering about raising the medication issue. It took a long time for me to find antidepressants that helped, but yeah, I don't feel levelled out anymore. Swinging moods are probably an indication that I need to adjust my medication. Thanks for bringing it up, needed the reminder.

Thanks for all the support, really appreciate your time.