Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

your welcome @saltandpepper I do hope talking to others is helpful for you

I would suggest getting yourself a good and regular gp though. its hard atm because a lot of places aren't taking on other patients or can only do phone consults but in the coming months id definently recommend doing abit of research on your local drs and see if any sticks out for you and who you might connect with.
yeah sometimes our medications do need adjusting so that's always an option to get looked at as well.

[Lee82]

@saltandpepper You are very welcome. I understand how difficult self care can be. I am the same. I am not great with it too. It is always a temporary fix. I guess we just have to persist with it and try and extend the time we are able to maintain it. I get very frustrated with myself when I feel I can't do anything because of how I am feeling which is usually a lot of the time. 
In our darkest moments it always feels like there is no point but we have to push through and keep going. We need to hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My psychologist keeps telling me to do a lot of positive thinking and to fake it until you make it. 
Im so sorry to hear you are in a difficult place right now. Just remember you are not alone. Everyone here is here for you and will help lift you through this. 
If existing is all you can handle right now that is ok. As long as you are safe and kind to yourself. 

never ever be sorry for rambling. We are here to listen. Stay strong 

[Brokengirl]

Hi @saltandpepper,

I'm also new here, and it takes alot of courage to post about your self; so thanks and nice to meet you.

Life has not been kind to many of us, I've been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, BPD and ADHD, all in a short time span.

Please just know you're not alone in this difficult time. Here for a chat anytime. Take care 

[Lee82]

Nice to meet you @Brokengirl  and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnoses. It must have been difficult to have found out about them so close together. I am also here if you need to talk. Lee82

[saltandpepper]

@outlander I find it really hard to be honest with a doctor--well with anyone really. I guess part of it is fear, if I'm honest with them about how things get in my head, what will happen? That question holds me back a lot. I'm afraid that it will set something in motion that I either am not ready for or simply don't want. Anyway, you're right, I need to pull my finger out and make an appointment.

[saltandpepper]

@Lee82 Yeah I understand the frustration you feel, I get that way too. It's not helpful, it feeds that feeling of 'well, see, you're not capable of doing any better, so, what's the point?' I did, for a while, adopt the concept that 'it's ok if you can't do this' You know, like how you've said if all I can manage is existing, that's ok. I did manage to get my head into that frame of mind for a while. It helped in alleviating the guilt, so I wasn't beating myself up evey time I couldn't get out of bed. But then, I got too comfortable with it. All I ever wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. Every chance I had, I just went and lied down. I never got anything useful done and just started sleeping a whole lot. Uh, balance, I'm not very good with it as it turns out.

What do you think of your psychologists advice to 'fake it until you make it' is this something you feel capable of, and have you found it helpful?

Yes, I see what you're saying about needing to stay positive and persisting with it all. And look, I have times when I can be positive, and even enjoy things. But, knowing the bad times are going to roll around again makes it hard to persist sometimes. I just get this feeling that there's no point to any of it. I don't feel like I've ever been happy in life, moments of happiness, yes, but always struggling with inner demons. I guess there's just times, when depression gets on top of me, that make me question why I should keep putting myself through this? Ultimately for my son's sake. I never want to do anything to hurt him. It's just so hard being alive sometimes.

[saltandpepper]

Thanks @Brokengirl much appreciated. I hope you find support here as well, and if the past 24 hours are any indication, I'm certain you will. Cheers for dropping in

[Lee82]

I'm so sorry it took so long to get back to you @saltandpepper  I had a rough night and had to go into work this morning. I just got home 😓

what your saying completely resonates with me. I can totally understand how you feel as I feel exactly like that.
'Fake it till you make it.' Honestly doesn't work for me but I understand the concept.
It feells like you are just waiting for the days to go by to wake up to yet another day. Like nothing that happens is real and that your completely numb to everything.
we just need to ride through the dark times and appreciate the better times. I know it's tough right now but that is what we are all here for. To help each other make it through the other side.
How was your day today?

[saltandpepper]

Please don't apologise @Lee82 I'm sorry you had a rough night, did you want to talk about it? Hope work went smoothly for you today.

Yeah I've had the 'fake it' advice from a previous psych, uh, useless advice in my opinion. However, I actually do spend a lot of the day faking it really.

I am really relieved, although saddened, to know you can relate to what I'm saying.

Yeah, when I'm in this part of the cycle, it's a groundhog day kind of feeling, as you describe perfectly. But I do still have those periods where things feel ok, good even. I'm payong closer attention to my moods, well I'm trying to, and I kind of feel like I swing between extremes. When I'm depressed, I'm so effing depressed. When I'm happy, I'm productive and can maintan a positive outlook. It's kind of exhausting.

Thanks for checking in, it means a lot. My day was long, and I'm extremely glad it's almost over. Though I still have a bit of work to do, but just don't have motivation for it, which is why it's 6pm and still hasn't been done.

How'd your day go? Hope it was a good one.

[Lee82]

Last night started off ok just woke up from having a flashback and then it was all down hill from there. That's all I can say about it at the moment @saltandpepper 

work was ok. Just the usual. But what I have noticed is that I get extremely anxious going to work. I just think work isn't the right place for me right now. Just can't cope with it. I know I shouldn't complain because I am probably one of the few that still has a job to go to however my shifts have dropped traumatically. 
I actually spend a lot of my time faking it too. Whenever I am around people I don't want to know how I am really feeling I fake how I'm feeling and act as if everything is ok. 
I understand having no motivation to accomplish anything. I have sooooo much to finish in my house however I keep putting it off. Maybe writing a check list down of all things you want to accomplish and then try to do 1 thing at a time no matter how long it takes. Just tick them off as you go. 
I hope tonight goes ok for you and that you get some rest. ❣️