Trying makes it worse

[EternalFlower]

Thanks history lover.

Hope Ur day was peaceful 

[EternalFlower]

Hi maddison! 

I felt so much better today after being brutally honest with therapist! 

I never stand up for myself... I felt he was good about it! 

Thank u for welcoming me and yes shame cycle's are no fun! Glad to see Ur comment and understanding to me, it's so appreciated. Glad ppl are lovely here, I hope this helps me connect and share.

[NatureLover]

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@EternalFlower wrote:

My therapist is a psychiatrist who I see for therapy and meds, not ads but some sleep medication. 

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Ah yes, I see. I'm actually surprised you're not on any ADs, if you have been feeling suicidal for 2 years...

Anyway, you're not alone, we hear you, @EternalFlower ...

[EternalFlower]

Hi NL, 

Thanks, I'm not big on ssris for myself . Have got reasons for this and it's advised by my Dr....I am using therapy.

Thanks for Ur support.

[EternalFlower]

Hello community ...

Things got a bit rough and a hospital stay may be coming, I stopped sleeping, really I had a heart to heart with Dr and he suggested that I see someone else and him, but him less.

I wasn't so sure but am considering it.

I find it hard to have a connection  with professionals in the mh sector, every so often I meet someone who I adore but generally I'm very neutral and disconnected.

Objectively my therapist is a nice human and fairly competent but I don't have an emotional connection to him. I find him so different to me. He's very dorky and dad like. 

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower 

Sorry to hear things are becoming more difficult. You sound so clear, & as though you have good grip on your situation in post. I guess I am a little similar.

Intellectually, I can decipher my needs & situation etc.... It is my body (opposite to you, I am over sleeping at the moment - also have severe anxiety) that becomes begins to have symptoms.

I am not sure what I'm getting at exactly!? I can also relate to feelings of not being able to connect with professionals. I absolutely respect them & an so grateful for the help, but I feel terrified of someone 'peering into my brain' - & also the relationship is not equal, so it is difficult to find common ground amongst all of that, in order to find common bond.

I think @wellwellwellnez  may be able to guide you better. They have given brilliant responses in the past. I hope things improve. Whether it be some time out in hospital to recharge. One day at a time🙂

[NatureLover]

Hi @EternalFlower , thanks for your reply. I think people may be missing your replies...if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂

[EternalFlower]

@NatureLover @wellwellwellnez 

Thanks nature lover, I suck at this,,,I was worried if I tag ppl they will get an annoying email ...is it OK to tag ppl here ?

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison I crash after not sleeping and sleep through the afternoon, I really don't like it. 

Sorry if I didn't know how to do the tags....I really like the reflection of myself as clear-headed which isn't something I see always ! 

I really appreciate speaking openly about all this,

I've seen my psychiatrist who is also my therapist for a year and I dont think he understands the power dynamic part of it,

I tried to explain to him a recent incident of being sexually harassed on the street and he was so awkward about it, he was like trying to u destiny the person and said "was he big, like with tattoo..."...

I find tattoos attractive and not intimidating ! I said 

"No he looker good, nice"

Then he was like "so he was someone others might see as attractive.'

And I just realised he himself as a therapist was struggling to talk with me, a woman, about men being g attractive....I guess it's good really, because I can say anything really and it's his job to just accept it !

[Jynx]

Hey @EternalFlower  - just so you know, anyone who is annoyed by emails can actually turn them off in their profile settings (Top right find your profile picture - click it to bring up a menu, second option is settings. From there, click the 'email' tab and check the box labelled "Don't send me any community emails". Be wary though as this will include any topic subscriptions). I think usually though, notifications are only received via the 'New' button, to the left of your profile picture. So tagging is the best way to interact with any folks you're chatting to 😁

Hope this helps!